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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900437">Now That I've Worn Out, I've Worn Out The World</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterhawk616/pseuds/Winterhawk616'>Winterhawk616</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Comic Clint, Drunken Flirting, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Meet-Cute, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, alternative universe - no powers, everyone knows everyone, winterhawk - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:21:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,132</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterhawk616/pseuds/Winterhawk616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Clint and Bucky went to a wedding and the one time it was their wedding.</p><p> //</p><p>‘Y’know, if you’re ever in New York?’ Clint starts.</p><p>‘I’ll look you up.’ Bucky smiles, before pulling at Clint’s tie and kissing him softly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, Kate Bishop/America Chavez, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. January 2017 - Steve and Sharon's Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sharon &amp; Steve</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clint will admit it. Weddings are not his thing. Uncomfortable shoes, fancy food and small talk? Please, he’d much rather be at home right now in his sweats, eating ramen and watching shitty reality TV. But it’s Steve’s wedding. Steve Rogers. The man with the kindest eyes, biggest heart and if Clint was being completely candid ugliest nose he’s ever come across. How could he complain about seeing Steve Rogers finally marry the love of his life! He will just have to suffer. Steve ran the bakery underneath his apartment and blessed his nose and his stomach with the most delicious concoctions known to man. Clint hadn’t truly lived until Steve turned up one July morning at his door covered in flour and water to tell Clint there was a leak coming from his apartment. In Clint’s defence he got distracted by these two pigeons on the fire escape fighting over a cigarette and forgot he was running a bath. </p>
<p>‘I think our city birds have become addicted to cigarettes! It’s an issue that I will be thinking about when casting my vote this autumn,’ Clint explained to the near stranger who was dripping flour water onto his doorstep. </p>
<p>‘Can you please phone the super, I haven’t had any contact from the landlord and my shop floor is filling with water as we speak.’ </p>
<p>‘Oh, I’m the super.’ Clint smiles up at his new tenant. </p>
<p>‘What?’ </p>
<p>‘And the landlord…’ Clint hesitates. ‘I kinda own this place.’ The stranger pushed his lips into a straight line. Steve knew the person renting a shop as big as his in the middle of Bed-Stuy for pennies had to be an idiot and he was right. </p>
<p>‘Can you at least fix this?’ Clint shrugged. </p>
<p>‘But,’ he hit Steve with some finger guns. ‘I know someone who does!’ </p>
<p>And that’s how Steve met Nat and then subsequently met Sharon. Who Clint was watching right now stare herself down in a giant gold framed mirror. She looked other-worldly. Her dress was lace down to her waist and then an elegant tulu down the floor. Her hair framed her face in soft curls and Nat had done a great job with her make-up. Clint had known Sharon since he moved to Brooklyn 10 years ago with no job and a lump sum inheritance from a no-good father who drank himself into an early grave. Sharon was the one who got him the job at The Post and convinced him to invest the money while the economy was in tatters. Thank god for the recession.  She and Nat had stopped Clint from completely spiralling out of control and he’s pretty sure he’d be back in Iowa living with his mother at 30 if they hadn’t taken him under their wing. </p>
<p>‘I’m freaking out,’ Sharon interrupted Clint’s reminiscing. </p>
<p>‘You’re marrying Stevie, Sharon, he’s the most solid guy I’ve ever met.’ Nat mumbled applying eyeliner while looking in a compact with intricate precision. Clint stood off the bed and walked up behind Sharon. </p>
<p>‘You and Steve are it. You don’t get anymore in love that you two.’ Sharon smiles through the mirror at Clint. She really did look beautiful. </p>
<p>‘Thank you, but it’s not that I’m freaking out about.’ Sharon turns to face them and unclasps her veil. ‘Steve doesn’t have any family. He lost both his parent’s before he turned 18 and he’s been on his own since. Except-‘</p>
<p>‘Except?’ Nat glances up from the compact. </p>
<p>‘His best man. He’s like a brother to Steve and, I don’t know, I feel like I have to impress him. They’ve known each other since they were just kids and he’s so important to Steve. I want him to think I’m good enough.’ She throws her veil down onto the bed and sighs. </p>
<p>‘No offence, but we’ve all known Steve for what? 5 years and you’ve been his girlfriend for 4, how have none of us ever met this guy? He can’t be that important!’ Clint guides Sharon to sit on the bed with him. </p>
<p>‘He’s been living over in the Europe for 6 years now and he’s only been over to visit a few times and I’ve always been busy.’ Sharon was the head editor at The Post; even Clint didn’t see her much anymore and he works for her. Clint turned to Nat. </p>
<p>‘Go steal Steve’s expensive whiskey.’ Nat nodded quickly with a sly smile. Clint turned back to Sharon. </p>
<p>‘Listen. You are a hoot,’ Sharon laughs, ‘you are beautiful and Steve is lucky to have found you.’ He can see her eyes begin to water and eyes up the little packet of tissues Sam bought everyone because ‘Steve’s probably gonna cry and that means we are all probably gonna cry’. ‘And, if this guy had any sense then he’ll know before he even meets you that you are good enough.’ Sharon takes a deep breath and shakes her head. </p>
<p>‘I can’t believe I’m getting married.’ She smiles softly. Clint pulls her into a soft hug not wanting to ruin her dress. Nat stumbles in at that and hands Sharon the bottle while pulling Clint out into the hall. </p>
<p>‘Bridesmaids stuff; don’t worry.’ Sharon laughs at the two of them while unscrewing the bottle. Once the two are out of the room Nat drops Clint's hand. ‘We have a problem,’ she whispers.</p>
<p>‘What?’ Clint starts to panic. Steve’s bailed. What a dick. Clint will kill him. Clint’s gonna kill him and then kick him out; and in that order. </p>
<p>‘Steve’s best man is hot.’ Nat says her eyes fixed with panic. Clint was too busy mentally thanking the heavens he didn’t have to find a place to dispose of Steve’s body, cause what a god damn pain that would be, to be confused at why Nat was panicking. </p>
<p>‘What did you expect Nat? Attractive people aren’t friend with ugly people.’ It’s basic human nature.</p>
<p>‘Then how do you explain us.’ She quips her eyebrows shifting slightly. </p>
<p>‘That was mean.’ Clint shoves at her. </p>
<p>'Anyway, I don’t mean he’s kinda cute. I mean he’s…’ She nods her head back and forth like she’s trying to tell Clint something in morse code. </p>
<p>‘What?’ </p>
<p>‘He’s Evan.’ </p>
<p>‘You’re kidding me?’ Evan was this really hot guy who used to work in the smoothie place down from Nat’s apartment. They never found out his name and Nat decided once day, while checking out his ass and sipping on her raspberry crush, that he looked like an Evan. He was the single most attractive man Nat and Clint had ever set eyes on. Then, one day, he just wasn’t there anymore. They were heartbroken for months. Clint hasn’t stopped thinking about him for 9 years. </p>
<p>‘No, it’s him!’</p>
<p>‘Are you sure?’</p>
<p>‘Am I sure that I just saw the most attractive man in the world again for the first time in nine years? Yes, of course I’m sure Clint!’ Clint huffed. This was big. </p>
<p>‘Wait…you’re saying we knew Evan before we knew Steve. That’s weird. Wait is his name actually Evan?’ </p>
<p>‘I don’t know! As soon as I saw him I freaked out and left!’ Clint shook his head and then suddenly they both looked up at the door to the bridal suite. </p>
<p>When they rushed through the door Sharon was lying flat on her back staring up at the ceiling her dress consuming her in lace and tulu.</p>
<p>‘Sharon?’ </p>
<p>‘Hmm?’ She look up at them and smiled. </p>
<p>‘What’s Steve’s best man’s name?’</p>
<p>‘Bucky. Why?’</p>
<p>‘That’s the single most stupidest name I’ve ever heard.’ Nat deadpanned. </p>
<p>‘We would never have guessed that.’ Clint throws his hands in the air and then falls down onto the bed next to Sharon. Nat follows and lies on her other side. </p>
<p>‘Do I even want to know?’ Sharon grumbles.</p>
<p>‘He’s Evan.’ Nat sighs. </p>
<p>‘Evan who?’ </p>
<p>‘The Evan.’ Clint mimics Nat’s dreamy sigh. </p>
<p>‘The smoothie guy?’ Sharon never actually met Evan and so she only had Clint’s detailed description of his deep grey eyes and Nat’s quite crude drawing of him, that was still stuck to Clint’s fridge, to go on. There had been many a false sighting of Evan. Nat thought that she saw him in JFK in 2013, but that guy was way too short, Clint thought he saw him at the Met just last year, but when he sent Nat a photo she quickly debunked it, and once Sharon and Clint followed a guy on the Subway for 7 stops because he had the right kinda hair, but when he turned around he was most definitely a girl. ‘Are you sure?’ </p>
<p>‘100%. It’s definitely him. Bucky is Evan.’ </p>
<p>‘I guess we gotta stop calling him Evan now,’ mumbled Sharon from somewhere beneath her dress. Clint nods and so does Nat. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It wasn’t until after the ceremony that Clint was able to get a proper look at Bucky and yeah, Natasha was right, it’s him. He was gorgeous. Blue grey eyes, shiny brown curls and a smile that could knock you out. When Steve was reciting his vows Clint noticed how Bucky’s eyes flickered down and filled with tears in a moment. His hands twisted as he watched on which utter adoration dripping from his face. </p>
<p>Natasha’s yellow sun dress swished back and forth as she grabbed her and Clint some champagne. Sam, who had been AWAL most of the morning because of some disaster with the photographer appeared at her side and draped an arm around her. Clint felt the need to look away, but kept his cool. These two had danced around each other since they met and if he was honest it was driving him insane. Suddenly Steve was pulling all three of them out of the room and out onto the patio. </p>
<p>When Steve and Sharon told their friends they were getting married in New Jersey they all laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And only stopped laughing when the happy couple threatened to find a new party. New Jersey? When they live in the goddamn best city in the world? It all seemed like a big joke. Until Sharon drove Clint and Nat out there a month before the big day. Clint wasn’t expecting her to take them to a giant white greenhouse, a tall glass structure with hanging plants and twinkling lights. It was gorgeous. It was attached to an old hotel that they would have to house the wedding party and the greenhouse was to house the ceremony and reception with drinks in the ballroom in between. When Sharon described the day as she walked through the old and whimsical old building it was hard to believe they were in the worst place in the world. </p>
<p>‘It’s called The Garden State, Sharon. The Garden State. That’s like the worst state nickname. We live in The Empire Sate! The best state!’ Clint was hanging over the counter at the bakery while Sharon cleaned up for the day. Nat was lounged across a sofa like a cat watching him. </p>
<p>‘The Empire State is a stupid name,’ Sharon retorted from the back. </p>
<p>‘What about the Golden State?’</p>
<p>‘Too far away.’ </p>
<p>‘The Bay State?’ Clint pushed himself over the counter a little further trying to catch her attention. ‘The Mountain State?’ Sharon came out wiping flour onto her apron. ‘The Ocean State?’ She looked down at him and frowned. </p>
<p>‘The Prairie State.’ Nat interjects. The two blondes turn to her with questioning eyes. ‘Illinois,’ she smirked back. Sharon laughed pulling off the apron and letting her hair down. </p>
<p>‘We are getting married in The Garden State and that’s final.’ Clint huffed pulling on his jacket.  All three of them were nearly out the door when Sharon turned to switch off the lights. </p>
<p>‘The Peach State!’ Clint cried from the sidewalk. </p>
<p>‘How do you know all the state nicknames?’ Sharon laughed. </p>
<p>‘I have a lot of time on my hands.’ Was all he said as he dragged her down the street and to her bachelorette party; Nat following behind laughing a little too hard. </p>
<p>But, Clint was wrong The Garden State was a great. And now as they were dragged out the ballroom, through the greenhouse and out into cold brisk air it hit him just how perfect this little place was. Vines and lights ran all around the greenhouse decorating it so simply as Sharon and Steve’s reception was coming together quickly. Sharon was standing out of the patio with Bucky when Steve dragged the three out. She turned and smiled. </p>
<p>‘Okay, so we have no photographer, but Bucky is a goddamn savour.’ He smiled coyly and Clint wanted to cry at how cute his little blush was. ‘Bucky has an old Polaroid and enough prints to get a few mementos. The rest we can get on our phones.’ Bucky swung out his camera bag as they all formed a group in front of the tall glass structure. He snapped a picture of Steve and Sharon first. He handed the print to Sam and Clint watched in develop over his shoulder. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. Sharon’s dress creating a stream of white against the greenery and Steve smiling down at her in his navy suit. The next photo Steve is kissing the top of her head while she smiles so wide her eyes closed. Clint grabs the photo and gazes at it. Next was Sharon, Clint and Nat. They all huddled around pushing their faces up against each other which seemed ridiculous, but Steve was staring at them which such love in his eyes it felt instantly perfect. </p>
<p>‘You wanna get us?’ It was the first time Bucky had ever spoken directly to Clint. Clint stares, dumbly, trying to take in what the beautiful man was saying to him. Nobody was paying attention to Clint, which was good because he was sure he looked damn idiotic, as he stuttered out a meek ‘Sure,’ and everted his eyes. Bucky, Sam and Steve, best friends since they were all kids, lined up against the glass doors and smiled directly at Clint. It was all a little too much. Clint snapped the picture and then as Bucky moved to grab Steve’s face and plant a kiss on his cheek he snapped again. With Sam smiling happily at the side the photo was candid wonder. Lastly they all gathered as Steve shouted a staff member outside. They paired off. The newly weds in the middle with Steve wrapping his arm around Sharon pulling her in close, Nat and Sam off to one side with Nat leaning her head of Sam’s shoulder, Bucky and Clint at the other side standing awkwardly. Bucky turned to the man smiled all toothy before pulling his arm around Clint and pulling him into the photo. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>’Ladies and Gentlemen Mr and Mrs Rogers.’ The man called after they all took their seats. The new couple and their own table at the end of the room with the rest of the wedding party at another beside them. Nat and Sam were trying to throw the candy favours into each others mouth as the starters were served. Bucky was smiling over at Steve and Sharon. </p>
<p>‘You know,’ Clint started before his brain could talk him out of it, ‘Sharon was really worried about meeting you.’ Bucky turned to him. </p>
<p>‘Why?’ </p>
<p>‘You mean a lot to Steve.’ Clint replayed the conversation from that morning. ‘She wanted you to like her.’</p>
<p>‘What’s not to like?’ Bucky looked up at the waiter and smiled as he placed the food down in front of him. ‘Me and Steve had nothing growing up. Poor as shit and no ambition if I’m honest. We never let anyone in. Then Sam came along in High School and forced his way into our little friendship and then when I left to go to Europe I had to accept that a lot more people were going to be coming into our life.’</p>
<p>‘Steve’s great,’ Clint replied</p>
<p>‘Sharon too,’ Bucky smiled back. After a moment Bucky took to glancing around the room taking in all the guests and then finally Clint. ‘It’s weird to think we’re in New Jersey.’</p>
<p>‘Right!’ </p>
<p>‘I’ve spent the last six month trying to convince Steve to get married in…well any other state.’ Clint laughs lightly before catching Natasha’s brutal stare from across the table. </p>
<p>‘I’m Clint, by the way.’ He pushed out his hand, like a normal person would, and Bucky accepted it. </p>
<p>‘I’m Bucky.’ Clint released his hand and tried not to think about how soft his skin was. </p>
<p>‘So, did your parents hate you or something?’ </p>
<p>‘No,’ Bucky faked offence, ‘it’s a nickname.’ Clint nodded softly. ‘My middle name is Buchanan.’ </p>
<p>‘Are you Scottish?’</p>
<p>‘My parents are, I was born just outside of Edinburgh, but my parents moved to Brooklyn when I was 7.’ Clint tried really hard not to imagine Bucky in a kilt. He really did try. </p>
<p>‘I’ve never been to Scotland before.’ </p>
<p>‘It’s beautiful. It’s old and green and full of history. The town my parents are from is far up north and by the sea and everything smells like salt and old stone.’ Clint pulls his seat in further as Bucky get’s quiet. ‘I’ve only been back twice, but it’s my favourite place in the world.’</p>
<p>‘And from what I’ve heard you’ve seen a lot of it.’ Clint chimes. Bucky smiles and it lights up his entire face. He has little crinkles next to his eyes and his pale skin turns a peach pink at the cheeks. </p>
<p>‘Yeah, I’ve done a lot of traveling. I was a photographer for a long time and then, when I wasn’t making enough money to keep traveling I settled in Germany. It was then I realised I had picked up a lot of languages and I went to college over there and I’ve been working for the UN as a translator since I graduated.’</p>
<p>‘Sounds like a sweet gig.’ Bucky nods in agreement taking a sip from his glass. </p>
<p>‘What about you?’ He gestured to Clint with the glass; sloshing the wine about. </p>
<p>‘I grew up in Iowa. Moved to Brooklyn when I was 20. Sharon got me a job as her assistant at The Post and I worked my way up and now I have my own column.’ Clint knew his story wasn’t all the exciting, but Bucky leaned in a little closer. ‘It’s not the best money in the world, but I get by and Steve always gives me a little more rent if he’s had a good month.’ </p>
<p>‘You’re the landlord,’ he says as if Clint was some sort of mythical creature. ‘I remember when Steve finally took the plunge and bought his own place all he did was complain about how incompetent the landlord was and how he was sure something illegal was going on because of how cheap the place was.’ Clint nods, that sounds like Steve. ‘Then suddenly the landlord was my new replacement.’ Bucky laughed lightly. Clint casts his eyes crowds the table to Nat who is too busy cleaning spilled soup off Sam’s tie to notice how disastrous he was being. </p>
<p>Later once they had finished and it was dark the crowd settled back into the white greenhouse covered in twinkling lights and delicate flowers. Sharon and Steve were dancing softly trailing across the floor and around in magnificent circles. Clint watched happily sipping something too sweet out of champagne flute as his eyes grew heavy. Nat was standing beside him swaying a little letting her eyes follow the two around the room. Sam was crying. Sam hadn’t noticed he was crying but tears slowly tickled down his cheek in the most delicate way. Clint had lost track of Bucky after the meal and was too busy trying to keep Nat from making a move to actually make a move himself. </p>
<p>‘Listen, as maid of honour-’ Nat mumbled as she re-applied her lipstick. Clint was sitting up on the sink swinging his legs back and forth when he interjected. </p>
<p>‘We are joint maid of honour.’</p>
<p>‘But, I’m the girl. He is statistically more likely to be straight.’ She smacked her lips together and then stared herself down before flicking her eyes to him. </p>
<p>‘That’s homophobic,’ Clint muttered nonchalantly.</p>
<p>‘I’m bi, Clint.’ </p>
<p>‘So is everyone you’re not special.’ He jumped off the sink and turned. ‘Do you have that strawberry lip balm?’ Nat rummaged for a second before finding it in her clutch. </p>
<p>‘Steve’s straight,’ Nat smudged her thumb against her cupids bow. Clint watched her through the mirror while applying the lip balm carefully. </p>
<p>‘Probably. But, that’s not the point, Bucky could be bi or gay or pan or-’ Nat interrupts him.</p>
<p>‘Okay, I get it. Maybe we should just see who he gravitates towards,’ she suggested while grabbing her lip balm back. </p>
<p>‘What if he doesn’t gravitate towards either of us.’ </p>
<p>‘Are you kidding me?’ Nat looked them both up and down in the mirror and then met Clint’s gaze. ‘We are the hottest people at this party.’ The two erupted into laughter. </p>
<p>So, Clint had been too preoccupied with Nat to really focus on Bucky, but now the first dance was over Sharon was beckoning her bridesmaids over and Steve his groomsmen. Sam automatically grabbed Nat and Nat followed dancing along to the song. Clint stood there awkwardly watching the two couples dance in sync. Suddenly a hand grasped his shoulder. Bucky turned his around smiled down at him.  </p>
<p>‘I think this is our cue?’ Clint only nods letting Bucky take his hands and guide him onto the dance floor. Clint tries to keep his breathing steady as Bucky wraps an arm around his waist and interlinks their fingers. Definitely not straight. Clint makes a mental note to tease Nat about her statistics later. Bucky is slightly smaller than him making the stance a little awkward, but Clint is glad he took charge. If it was up to him he’d be making Bucky do the god-damn mash potato right about now. The swayed lightly; nothing too fancy. Clint thanked the gods again. </p>
<p>‘I lost track of you for a second.’ Clint finally spoke. </p>
<p>‘Well, my Ma hasn’t seen me in 6 months so she was reluctant to let me party with the cool kids.’ Bucky swung them around to avoid Sharon and Steve elegantly. </p>
<p>‘She’s here?’ Clint wanted to look up but Bucky was staring right at him with his beautiful grey-blue eyes. </p>
<p>‘She calls Steve the son she always wanted,’ he mimics, but his is tone light. </p>
<p>‘One that doesn’t flee the country and never call?’ Clint added. Bucky nodded as a breathy laugh escaped his lips. </p>
<p>‘There was never much reason to stick around if I’m honest.’ </p>
<p>‘You got your family? Steve? It’s more than most people.’ Clint let Bucky pull him around the room and never once looked up. It felt like they were the only people in the universe. </p>
<p>‘I guess I was just trying to find something.’ They spun for a second and Clint let the lights blur into lines of golden string curling around the two. The music was drawing to a close, but none of them seemed to want to withdraw. </p>
<p>‘Did you find it?’ Bucky seemed to think for a moment while he manoeuvred them around the dance floor. His feet light and strategic. </p>
<p>‘Maybe. Who knows.’ He dips Clint suddenly causing the blonde to laugh as he stares up at Bucky. They lock eyes in the moment and as all the blood rushes to Clint’s head he hopes the moment will never end. The honey golden lights make Bucky’s eyes look a deep navy and his skin and lips like a sunset reflecting the all light. Bucky pulls his back up eventually and twirls them both around a couple more times before the song comes to an end. Clint goes to pull away and Bucky lets him, but keeps a hold of his hand. ‘Let’s go get a drink.’ </p>
<p>Everyone is on the dance floor now and Clint watches the crowd while Bucky orders them a drink. Nat and Sharon are dancing together throwing their arms around each other and laughing so brightly. Sam is solo dancing in the middle of the crowd obviously having one too many drinks at dinner. Then there’s Steve dancing with this older woman, brown curly hair and soft features. She is gazing up at him as he talks his eyes following Sharon and Nat. </p>
<p>‘That’s my Ma.’ Bucky says passing Clint a bottle of something. He takes a sip. Oh, he had never been so happy to drink a beer in his life. Theres only so much wine and champagne a man can take. Although he will admit the Bellini’s Nat had been ordering them both all day were great. Clint turns to Bucky and smiles. ‘Y’know when I came out to her she automatically assumed me and Steve were together and when I finally broke it to her she was devastated.’ </p>
<p>‘Of course she was Steve is like…the greatest man to ever exist. And those biceps.’ Clint giggled and so did Bucky. </p>
<p>‘He is. Although, he didn’t have those biceps when we were kids.’ Clint found that hard to believe. Steve was such an adult and, even thought they were the same height, always made Clint feel tiny and delicate. Steve has his shit together and the thought of him being a little kid never crossed Clint’s mind. Bucky could see the confusion fall against Clint’s face. He grabs his phone and fiddles for a second before producing a photo. In it is two boys, maybe around 14, one of them tall with a mop of dark curls on his head and beside him a tiny little blonde thing. They’re both dressed in suits and the little one’s was obviously too big. They were both smiling but there was a sickening sadness draped across the entire photo. ‘Steve took a huge growth spurt the summer after this photo was taken.’ Clint grabs the phone to look at it a little closer. </p>
<p>‘Why have I never seen this before.’ There was a fine laughter laced in his voice. Bucky took a long sip of his drink. </p>
<p>‘He’s very antsy about it all.’ He grabs the phone back and slips it into his pocket. It’s then Clint realises Bucky is very close. He is leaning his side against the bar facing Clint who’s back is against the bar. </p>
<p>‘It’s so strange to think that Steve used to be a little kid.’ </p>
<p>‘He was a pain in my ass,’ Bucky rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>‘Really?’ Clint laughed.</p>
<p>‘Oh yeah, fucking…going around causing trouble, getting into fights and always trying to be the big guy. And of course I had to swoop in and save the day every single time. The amount broken noses and busted lips I got cause of that boy.’ Clint takes in Bucky’s features. Dark grey eyes and delicate cheeks. Plump lips and perfectly good nose. </p>
<p>‘I think you turned out alright in the end.’ Clint was flirting. Clint had never in his life been so aware of his own body, how his hands fidgeting against the bar, his foot tapping inconstantly…and why the hell did his tongue feel suddenly too big for his mouth. </p>
<p>‘Yeah, well, luckily after years of fighting his battles for him he got big enough to fight them himself.’ Bucky let’s his beer bottle drop onto the bar behind Clint. </p>
<p>‘I’m guessing you weren’t too far behind him though.’ </p>
<p>‘Of course. He may be bigger than me now, but I still throw a good few punches. Honestly, I just think we were all relieved he grew into his nose.’ This makes Clint laugh unexpectedly giving Bucky the opportunity to lean in a little closer. When Clint catches on he freezes up a little and smiles coyly. </p>
<p>‘So, I have a hotel room upstairs…if that’s something you would-’ Bucky interrupts Clint’s invitation by leaning in a little closer. He looks down to Clint’s lips and then back up to his eyes.</p>
<p>‘I’d love to, but I have to go.’ Clint curses himself. </p>
<p>‘It’s okay, I get it. You don’t have to-’ Bucky puts his hand on his chest stopping Clint instantly. </p>
<p>‘Clint. I wanna go with you, but I really do need to go. I have a flight to catch.’ Bucky leans in a little closer and kisses Clint. It’s soft and unexpected and Clint melts into it. Bucky grips onto his tie and Clint follows willingly. He pulls off just as Steve approaches behind them. </p>
<p>‘If you guys are finished.’ Bucky looks down at his feet as he turns around. Clint looks up at Steve who is obviously trying really hard not to laugh. ‘You are both needed on the dance floor.’ Bucky nods as the blush spreads across his face. Steve turns and his shoulders begin to shake only slightly. Clint grabs Bucky’s hand and pulls him after Steve. Bucky’s mum is on him instantly pulling him into a hug and dancing with him. Steve and Nat are twirling around like kids and Sharon grabs Clint. </p>
<p>‘I see you and Bucky have become acquainted.’ There is so much mischief in her eyes its impossible for Clint to keep a straight face. They sway lightly. </p>
<p>‘You had to marry the man with the most beautiful best friend.’ Sharon shrugged but before she could reply Nat stumbled up and they danced in an awkward threesome. They air was misty with alcohol and happiness as he twirled Nat around with one hand and curled Sharon into his side. They giggled as they spun in graceful circles and let their arms fall around clumsily gripping onto each other. Somewhere under some table sat Nat and Sharon’s heels and now they were barely up to Clint’s shoulders. Suddenly, Sam appeared grabbing Nat’s waist from behind and dragging her backwards from the group. She spun and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sharon’s eyes went wide as she and Clint fell back into a gentle sway. ‘How are you,’ he asked softly. </p>
<p>‘I’m the happiest woman alive. I can’t believe we got this lucky.’ She pulled herself into Clint’s chest and Clint lay his chin on her head. </p>
<p>‘Yeah, neither can I.’ He looked out to all his friends looking gorgeous and happy. Steve caught his eye and smiled as he danced with Bucky. Clint places a small kiss onto Sharon's hair and pulls back as Steve takes her hand and pulls her into his chest. They fit so perfectly together. Bucky and Clint stand and watch them for a moment before Bucky sighs loudly. ‘You have to go?’ </p>
<p>‘Taxis outside.’ Clint nods. ‘Walk me out?’ Bucky turns and walks through the crowd and pass the bar. Clint follows behind. They wander out into the cold January air and stand for a moment their cheeks red and skin hot against the chill. </p>
<p>‘Y’know, if you’re ever in New York?’ Clint starts. </p>
<p>‘I’ll look you up.’ Bucky smiles before pulling at Clint’s tie and kissing him softly. </p>
<p>When Clint finally makes his way back into the hall it’s filled with life and music. He weaves through the crowd letting Steve’s foghorn laughter guide him back to his friends and their dancing. He laughs a little and then allows the crowd to envelop him and before he knows it Sam is showing him how to moon-walk and all thoughts of the beautiful man with the grey-blue eyes are gone even if only for a moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. July 2017 - Tony and Rhodey's Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony &amp; Rhodey</p><p>‘Sharon, why is everything gold? GOLD.’ Clint felt urgently underdressed as he whispered frantically into Sharon’s ear. Sharon had warned him. This was Tony Stark’s wedding and yeah Sharon didn’t like to brag, but she did spend every summer as a kid at Stark Mansion and yes her childhood best friend was Tony Stark. Yes THE Tony Stark. Eccentric billionaire with too much money and too little self-respect. Of course his entire wedding was going to he gold-plated. Clint tried to dress nicely and he even bought a new suit but he’s pretty sure Tony Stark paid more for his socks than he did for his bottle green suit and cream-white shirt. He looked good even if it was obviously not designer. Sharon co-ordinate wearing a soft pink dress to match Clint’s tie and she looked a million dollars effortlessly. Clint had plenty of time to prepare himself for a celebrity wedding, but nothing could have prepared him for the inside of the New York City Plaza Hotel. </p><p>‘It’s quite something,’ Sharon marvelled. There was a sweet melody playing them through the foyer and up into the ceremony room. </p><p>‘Nat’s going to be so pissed.’ Clint was full of glee ready to start noting down thoughts and feelings so that the story he told Nat tomorrow at brunch would be accurate and spectacular. </p><p>‘She’s already pissed.’ Sharon was right. Nat was ready to fight Clint for that plus one spot until he gave in; which wasn’t hard. </p><p>‘Tony’s asked Steve to cater.’ Sharon was sipping wine from a mug while Clint painted the last coat on the bedroom wall. The old lady who lived next door to him had recently been moved into a care home by her two sons which left the apartment free for a new tenant. Clint was trying to cover up all the nicotine stains that drenched the wall cause god could that woman smoke. Clint thought that maybe she was contributing to major pigeon cigarette addiction issue in New York City. Nat bundled through the door at that point. </p><p>‘That’s amazing, Sharon.’</p><p>‘What amazing?’ Nat asked.</p><p>‘Tony Stark has asked Steve to cater his million dollar wedding.’ Clint rubbed his paint covered hands onto his overalls as he settled onto the bare floor boards while Sharon poured some more wine.</p><p>‘I’m sure he didn’t spend a million dollars on the wedding Clint.’ She passed him a mug. They all sat in a little circle on the bare and paint splattered floor.</p><p>‘That’s gonna help with the house fund though,’ Nat mumbled, pointing her paint brush at Sharon. She nodded. </p><p>‘Yeah, I mean I think Tony only asked Steve cause he's been so upset about not making it to our wedding and he’s been trying to buy me and Steve a house for months.’ </p><p>‘You say that like it’s a nuisance. Does Tony Stark wanna buy me a house?’ Clint cried over-dramatically. </p><p>‘You own an entire apartment block Clint.’ Nat shoved into him. </p><p>‘Anyway, that’s not important. The reason I brought it up was because I have a spare plus one now that Steve’s working the wedding.’ Nat straightened up instantly. ‘I can’t decide between the two of you.’ Clint’s eyes fall on Nat. She’ll win she always does. </p><p>‘Sharon, you know I’ve been asking you introduce me to Tony for years.’ Nat was suddenly in lawyer mode and it was terrifyingly spectacular. </p><p>‘Yes and I’ve never found a good moment.’ </p><p>‘Well the wedding is. My firm has been trying to steal him from Grayson’s for nearly a decade and they just had that huge pharmaceutical branch fuck up. This is the perfect time for me to swoop in and…y’know Nick’s been at me about bringing in higher stake clients. This could help me make partner.’ Nat’s eyes were so persuasive Clint had already mentally surrendered. </p><p>‘Yes, but is his wedding the best time to be making business deals?’ Sharon fought back. She was so much stronger than him. </p><p>‘I’m not going to bombard him at his wedding! I’m just gonna make contact, introduce myself and charm the Armani suit off of him.’ Clint sipped at his mug of wine and swallowed quickly as the two women stared each other down playfully. </p><p>‘Fine.’ Sharon threw her hands in the air. ‘Clint?’ </p><p>‘Oh, sure. I didn’t really wanna go anyway.’ He tried to sound sad and defeated so that Sharon might crumble, but she saw right through him and sighed. </p><p>‘Okay, Nat. July 1st.’ Sharon raised her mug for a toast but Nat just groaned.</p><p>‘You’re kidding me?’ Sharon shook her head. ‘I’m in Vegas that week. I get home the next morning. Fucksake.’ Clint kept drinking down his beer and watched and noticed Nat had paint in her hair. Sharon plopped the mug down and reached for her phone and dialled quickly. </p><p>’Tony? Hi!’ Nat leaned into Clint and gave him a side look. ‘I’m great! Yes, of course. How are you?’</p><p>‘I can’t believe she’s just talking to Tony Stark.’ Clint mumbled and Nat nodded. </p><p>‘Good! How’s James?’ Sharon laughed. ‘You know I’m not going to take it Tony.’ She shook her head while she listened to the billionaire on the other end. ‘I haven’t caught you at a bad time have I? Vice President? Well he can wait.’ Her eyes shifted over the other two, covered in paint and watching with wide amused eyes. ‘Do you wanna meet me for dinner soon? I know you’re busy with the wedding and-’ she stuttered. ‘Tomorrow?’ She looked at Nat who nodded back. ‘Perfect! Text me the address. Awesome! See you then, love you.’ Sharon let out a sigh and turned to Nat. </p><p>‘That was amazing.’ Clint whispered while Nat lunged herself at Sharon tackling her into a tight hug knocking over a mug in the process. ‘Wait does this mean I’m going to Tony Stark’s wedding?’ Nobody replied, but he joined them on the floor in the hug anyway. ‘I’m going to Tony Starks wedding!’ </p><p>When they walked into the ceremony room it looked much more like a theatre than a wedding. Rows and rows of seats leading to a grand arch with curtains on either side like a stage. Clint sighed. Everything was a deep scarlet with gold trimmings. Roses and chandeliers and the whole place smelt like sweet perfume. Sharon reached down and held his hand pulling them toward their assigned seat. Clint needed a cigarette. He usually only smoked when he was drunk but this was overwhelming his every sense. Sharon seemed unfazed although she did spend a lot of her childhood around all this glitter and glam. The place was filled with faces, some familiar and some not, that seemed as at home as the crystal glass reflecting the golden candlelight. </p><p>‘Aunt Peggy is here somewhere,’ She mumbled from his right side. Clint loved Peggy Carter, an old woman with enough stories to fill a small bookshop, and had only gotten to say hello at Sharon and Steve’s wedding. But now he had no responsibilities he knew he was going to find her and chat her ear off until he was drunk enough to talk to anyone else in this place. Suddenly the crowd simmers into whispers as the melodically harp playing at the front is kicked up a notch. </p><p>While Tony and his husband, James, held each other hands and spoke in beautiful words Clint felt like he had infringed on a private moment. He glanced away feeling overwhelmed. That’s when he noticed, brown tousled curls, grey-blue eyes and soft smile, Bucky Barnes. Sitting on the other side of the aisle looking up at the ceremony. Clint elbowed Sharon who scowled at him as he nodded his head towards Bucky. Sharon glanced over his shoulder and gasped lightly. </p><p>‘Oh my god,’ she whispered. </p><p>‘Right?’ Clint’s eyes went wide. </p><p>‘I can’t believe Brad Pitt is here.’ Clint turned and sitting behind them at the end of the row was Brad Pitt. Wow. He shook his head and pried his eyes away.</p><p>‘No, look over there,’ Clint shifted his eyes towards Bucky. Sharon took a moment taking in the crowd and then smiled. She moved her eyes back over to Clint slowly as a mischievous smile spreads across her face. </p><p>‘Bucky,’ she whispered. Everyone was well aware of Clint’s obsession with the man he spent only a moment with six months ago. A dance and a kiss. That was it, but Clint was unable to go a day without thinking about him. Nat and Sharon promised not to tell Steve and Clint’s sure they kept it, but that didn’t mean they didn’t spend way too much time making fun of Clint and his lost love. </p><p>‘I don’t love him,’ Clint cried in the middle of the sushi bar. It had been a week since the wedding and Sharon and Steve just arrived back from their honeymoon. Steve had to go straight home, but Clint, Nat and Sharon had an old tradition that whenever any of them flew back to New York the other two would meet them for airport Sushi. Doesn’t matter what time of day. Currently, it was 10pm and Sharon was jet-lagged and rosey cheeked from a 10 hour flight from Paris. </p><p>‘Sharon the entire time you’ve been in France he hasn’t stopped going on and on about him.’ Sharon giggled. ‘This is worst than that time he slept with Matt from my office.’ Nat had a right to be mad at him there. Clint had an issue and he was trying to work on it. He’d have a one-night stand or a stupid fling that lasted a moment and then when anything started feeling too real he’d jump ship. It’s how he liked his romances; all in his head and with 0 consequences. </p><p>‘No, this is different. I never slept with him. With Matt and Bobbi and even with-’</p><p>‘Clint,’ Sharon warned.</p><p>‘You know who. With them it felt different.’</p><p>‘How?’</p><p>‘Like urgency and excitement.’</p><p>‘And with Bucky?'</p><p>‘I’m gonna need something stronger than Kombucha if I’m gonna have to hear this all over again.’ Nat grumbled grabbing at the drinks menu. Sharon leaned in a little closer signalling Clint to continue. </p><p>‘I know I only spent an evening with him and that we barely spoke, but-’ Nat scoffed at that and he deserved it. ‘I felt clear-headed and nervous and…like everything was brand new. Is this making any sense.’ Sharon nodded in knowingly, gazing over at Nat who sighed and threw the drinks menu at Clint. </p><p>But now? Bucky Barnes was in New York and he was at Tony Starks wedding. He wasn’t just an ever fading memory of the perfect moment underneath the winter stars in…New Jersey. Everyone was displaced around the room talking and laughing in low and glamorous tones. Clint tried to take in some of the conversations but after a moment he’s become bored or realise one of the people he was standing with was way too famous and he would take his leave. Tony Stark had dragged Sharon away a moment after the ceremony throwing Clint a polite smile and then disappearing into the crowd. So, Clint was alone in a sea of people he either didn’t know or knew way too well. He lost track of Bucky too, which wasn’t a bad thing, he wasn’t ready to talk to him without briefing Sharon and maybe an entire bottle of champagne first. </p><p>‘I see you’ve lost my favourite niece.’ Clint turned to see Peggy Carter smiling up at him. Perfect pin curls and ruby-red lips graced her softly; her face showing not age but stories. </p><p>‘Boy am I happy to see you.’ Clint leant an arm and Peggy gracefully accepted. Peggy was maybe in her 60’s? Clint could never place her age she looked like a 1950’s starlit, but told stories like they happened only yesterday. </p><p>‘You looked a little lost and I thought I’d save you.’ The two walked over to the bar and perched themselves on the velvet covered stools. ‘I can’t bare these Stark soiree’s. They are always full to the brim with the most boring people who love to pretend they're interesting.’ Clint laughed. Only Peggy Carter could find a room full of millionaires and celebrities boring. The barman appeared in front of Peggy. ‘I’ll have a glass of the house red, I’m guessing Tony picked something extravagant and over-priced?’</p><p>‘Château Angélus 2016,’ the barman replied while he poured it into a glass. Peggy hummed a little. ‘And for the gentlemen?’ </p><p>‘I’m going to guess you don’t have any beer?’ Peggy laughed at this, her bold and immovable laughter, and Clint shrugged. ‘You don’t ask, you don’t get.’ </p><p>‘Very correct!’ Peggy tipped her head like she was doing a mini curtsey. ‘Clint will have Glendronach 18.’ The barman passed them both their glasses and turned to the next customer. Before Clint could reach out for his glass Peggy swapped them and sipped down the whiskey. Clint laughed. ‘A lady can’t be seen ordering herself a whiskey!’ She faked shock. </p><p>‘I’ll have your house white and get this man your finest beer will you?’ Clint turned towards the voice behind him. Bucky Barnes was leaning against the bar smiling down at him. When Clint turned back Peggy was sipping quietly on her wine. He turned again. ‘Hi.’ Clint all but melted into a puddle right there. Bucky was smiling down with his gorgeous smile and kind eyes. ‘Long time no see.’ Clint felt it again, what he felt back at that stupid greenhouse in the middle of New Jersey. A fuzzy newness.</p><p>‘You could say that.’ Was all Clint could manage. </p><p>‘You’re Steve’s friend?’ Peggy called beckoning Bucky around to her. He followed never letting his eyes fall off of Clint. The barman laid a bottle and a glass in front of Clint, but he went unnoticed. Peggy leaned up and tugged on his tie. ‘Aren’t you gorgeous,’ she marvelled, ‘isn’t he gorgeous Clint?’ Clint didn’t reply. ‘You have to excuse him he’s a little shy.’ Peggy held out her hand and Bucky helped her up from her seat. She grabbed her wine and let her hand fall onto Clint’s shoulder. ‘If you need saving just scream Uncle.’ </p><p>‘You too, Auntie Peggs.’ And just like that she was gone. Melting away into the crowd. Bucky took her seat and lifted the glass to his lips. Clint took him in. He was wearing a light grey suit with a floral shirt underneath and no tie. Effortlessly handsome, his hair was tousled and a little longer than the last time Clint saw him. His skin was a little tanned and he had freckled dashed across his nose. He gulped at his beer trying to think of something to say. </p><p>‘I don’t mean to sound rude, but what are you doing here?’ Bucky asked smoothly. </p><p>‘Tony Stark and Sharon are best friends forever, didn’t you know?’ Clint tried to be flirty, but it came out catty. </p><p>‘No, I didn’t.’ Bucky’s voice was soft and meaningful in a strange way that dazzled Clint. </p><p>‘Steve’s literary catering. Do you guys just not talk?’ </p><p>‘Not of recently, no.’ Clint furrowed his brow and Bucky got the hint. ‘I’ve been ignoring him. I’m trying to work on a surprise for is birthday it’s-’</p><p>‘This weekend. Yes, I know. We are throwing him a surprise party.’ Clint explained. </p><p>‘You got room for one more?’ Bucky raises an eyebrow and Clint lets out an amused sigh.</p><p>‘How do you know Tony?’ Clint asks. </p><p>‘I don’t. Well, I didn’t,’ Bucky starts, ‘Rhodey works security for some high-ranking government officials and whenever they were over in Europe doing business me and Rhodey were the tag alongs. We ended up hanging out quite a lot when he was over there.’ Clint nods shortly. </p><p>‘So, what you’re just back in New York for the wedding and Steve’s birthday and then? What?’ Clint asks. Bucky looks gorgeous and Clint can’t deny he is excited at the prospect of Bucky being around even if it’s just for a few days, but something feels off. Bucky looks sad and tired and like he’s trying a little harder than everyone else to stay upright. </p><p>‘I don’t know,’ is all he says and Clint is ready to ask him what that means when Rhodey comes up behind Bucky and interrupts. </p><p>‘James!’ He cries wrapping his arms around him. </p><p>‘James!’ Bucky replies. ‘You scrub up well old man.’ Bucky was right. Clint had only ever seen pictures of Rhodey and he was always so modest against the backdrop that was Tony Starks sparkling life. He never looked bad or out-of-place just a welcomed little droplet of normalcy in a champagne flute full of extravagance. But now he looked the part, but did it with the sincerest eyes. </p><p>‘You! Save me from husband,’ he joked. </p><p>‘It’s a little late to pull a runaway bride, but I’m up for it.’ Bucky glanced over to Clint. ‘I’m sure Clint will happily drive the getaway car.’ </p><p>‘Oh, you might be needed. Tony is trying to convince me to ditch the rest of our own wedding.’ </p><p>‘He might be onto something there.’ Bucky teases. ‘Anyway isn’t Toro here.’ </p><p>‘Yes and you need to come with me so he and Tony don’t crash my wedding.’ Rhodey pulls Bucky off the stool and all but drags him off before he can shoot an apologetic look back at Clint who smiles back shaking his head. </p><p>***</p><p>Sharon is surrounded by people when Clint finally finds her huddled in a little corner sipping on champagne and laughing delicately. Clint scrambles over and stands snug beside her until she notices him. Which only takes a few minutes. </p><p>‘Clint!’ Sharon pushes him into the huddle and gestures around to the group of well dressed socialites. ‘This Dr Doom.’ Sharon says gesturing to a tall lingering man with steel-like features, rigid and terrifyingly handsome. </p><p>‘Call me Victor.’ The man nods towards Clint in a friendly manner. Sharon turns to a blonde woman next. She is tall as well with pretty eyes and a kind spark. </p><p>‘This is Carol Danvers.’ The women does a little shrug at this and then shakes Clint’s hand. ‘Dr Bruce Banner.’ He was a small man with a mousey but enchanting demeanour. ‘And Ho Yinsen.’ </p><p>‘It’s lovely to meet you,’ Yinsen cried in a large and happy voice. </p><p>‘Sharon,’ teased Carol. ‘This isn’t your husband.’ Sharon laughs politely. </p><p>‘Steve’s a little busy, so I thought I’d bring Clint along for the free champagne and delightful company.’ This Sharon is so different from normal Sharon, Clint thinks. She’s so free and laid back with everyone, even Tony, but she knows how to change herself to fit in. He had seen it many times at work functions and events, but this was something new entirely. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me I think we need to find him a drink.’ She steers Clint away, thankfully and once they are a safe distance loosens up almost instantly. </p><p>‘How do you do that?’ Clint whispers. </p><p>‘It’s not hard. And it isn’t like they are horrible people they just…’</p><p>‘Talk different, move different and live different?’ Clint offers.</p><p>‘They’ve lived different lives. We had normal ordinary lives, as ordinary as they can be,’ she add’s as if she’s taking into account Clint’s asshole father and her parents wealth. ‘I grew up with money, but never stability. You just need to stand a little taller, laugh a little louder and make sure you’re a little bit drunk. Then it’s just easy.’ Clint laughs at that. He’s suddenly bombarded with the  memory of the first time he met Sharon. He was lost in the middle of lower Manhattan in the middle of a hurricane. In his defence he hadn’t exactly noticed the weather warnings since he didn’t have a TV and was currently living in someone’s spare room, which was more like a cupboard, in the middle of queens. He was out getting some supplies, the streets were quiet and the rain was pounding off the sidewalk like each individual drop was being hurled across the sky. Suddenly a woman, in heels and a pant suit came running down the street and knocked him over into the middle of the road. A car honked as it splashed passed the two. </p><p>‘What the hell are you doing?’ She shouted through the rain. Her hair was drenched and makeup running. </p><p>‘I’m lost,’ his voice barely there over the howling wind that was picking up. She looked annoyed as she picked him out of the gutter and pulled him towards a building. It was empty except for a security guard who let her glide through the building; Clint tumbling after her. </p><p>‘Fucking tourists.’ He hears her mutter as they reach the elevator. </p><p>‘I’m not a tourist,’ Clint groans like an overgrown child. The woman laughs at that and then pulls him into the elevator. </p><p>‘Then what the hell were you doing outside in the middle of a hurricane.’ She pops a key into the elevator control panel, presses the button for the penthouse and the lift ascends. </p><p>‘Why were you outside?’ Clint retorts. Sharon huffs at that and then moves her suit jacket, which Clint only realised now she had been grasping, and reveals a little white kitten. Its fur soaked and dirty it had fallen asleep inside the woman’s jacket. </p><p>‘I could hear it crying from all the way up here,’ the elevator dinged and opened straight into a living room where a red-headed woman was looking into the storm out of floor to ceiling windows, ‘I couldn’t leave him out there.’ The red-head turns and laughs.</p><p>‘You brought home two strays?’ The blonde kicks off her heels and suddenly drops a least 3 inches. Clint stands at the doorway awkwardly as she lays the cat down on a long and expensive looking green corner sofa while the red-head throws her and Clint a towel. ‘Sharon if you were this desperate for a boyfriend then you should have just asked, dragging the poor man off the streets isn’t exactly the beginning of a happily ever after.’ Unbeknownst to all of them it was.  </p><p>Sharon and Clint were seated at a table with Dr Bruce Banner, his husband Thor Odinson, who was supposedly a prince, and Peggy. The others chatted comfortably as the small, but tasty courses came out one by one. Clint, on the other hand, was slowly and carefully scanning the tables trying to spot Bucky. He hadn’t had a chance to explain to Sharon how weird Bucky had been when he saw him earlier and about his plan to come to Steve’s birthday. Tony Stark’s best man was the one and only Pepper Potts. Who Clint recognised straight away from her many television appearances at Stark’s side. She spoke to the crowd of people in the most elegant room so far about love and distance and how much she hated Tony Stark. </p><p>The dinning room was up yet another grand staircase, a narrow room with six chandeliers all lined in a perfect row and towering windows letting in the distant setting sunlight. As the meal went on the sky got dark and the room louder with alcohol flowing from expensive glasses making the gold and scarlet drizzle and seem a little more friendly. Clint had finally had enough champagne to talk to other people and then some. </p><p>‘You spoken to Bucky?’ Sharon leaned over to Clint as Thor recounted a tail from his life in Norway. Clint shook his head. ‘We should say hi.’ Turns out Bucky was sitting directly behind him the entire dinner. Sharon waved him over and introduced him to the table. He leaned down and gave her a quick hug and all but glanced at Clint. ‘Steve never said you were back in New York!’ </p><p>‘It’s only a flying visit. Rhodey would have flown me out here himself if I said I couldn’t make it.’ </p><p>‘You busy at work.’ Bucky hesitated for a second before answering. </p><p>‘Swamped. How is house hunting?’ </p><p>‘Oh, don’t get me started. Steve is hell-bent on me moving out of Manhattan. You have to talk to him.’ She grabbed Bucky’s hand. ‘How long are you in town? We are having a party this weekend-’ Bucky interrupted quickly. <br/>I don’t know. Listen, I gotta go, but uhh save me a dance okay?’ He said sweetly to Sharon before bowing out from the table. </p><p>‘Does he seem off to you?’ Sharon’s face was pressed with concern. Clint watched as Bucky swiftly weaved his way out of the hall. ‘Go after him,’ Sharon said suddenly passing Clint two newly filled champagne glasses. </p><p>‘What?’ She shoved him a little. ‘Sharon!’</p><p>‘Clint, go see if he’s okay.’ </p><p>‘I barely know the guy!’</p><p>‘You were sucking face with him last time I saw him so you’re close enough; now go!’ She gave one final shove and Clint was out the chair and following after him hesitantly. Once he got out of Sharon’s view he didn’t even bother looking for Bucky. He obviously felt awkward and Clint wasn’t going to impose on the guy. He found a bathroom in a side hallway and snuck in. He pressed his back against the door and quickly discards the glasses on the side and locks himself in. He sighs softly. Free of awkward conversations and weird feelings for just a moment. The wedding party and commotion that was rich people on their 5th drink of the day was all but a hum of white noise on the other side of a heavy bathroom door. </p><p>‘You should really knock.’ Clint opens his eyes. Sitting on the widow sill with a cigarette in his hand was Bucky. He had discarded his dress shoes and jacket on a little stool that sat off to the side and was curled up in the deep window ledge with his legs pulled into his chest. He blew smoke out of the window and them smiled down at Clint. ‘You wanna join me?’ Clint nods because yeah sure he was trying to avoid Bucky, but he has cigarettes and Clint’s been craving one ever since he set eyes on his golden palace hidden deep with the concrete city. Clint pushes himself up onto the sill and takes the cigarette. ‘Listen.’ Clint inwardly cringes. ‘I didn’t mean to be weird back there.’ Bucky screws up his face and then lets out a laugh. Clint exhales. </p><p>‘Sharon actually sent me after you,’ Clint shifted handing the cigarette back. </p><p>‘Well you found me,’ the other man replied softly. </p><p>‘Why are you back?’ Clint’s voice was soft and sad like Bucky had been a friend for years and not a stranger. </p><p>‘For the wedding…for Steve’s birthday. I-’ Clint interrupts him suddenly. </p><p>‘I’ve known Steve for 5 years and I’ve never met you. I never even heard about you and you’ve missed every birthday for god knows how long…what makes 31 so special?’ Clint asks. </p><p>‘It’s hard to explain.’ </p><p>‘I got all night.’ Bucky lets out a little laugh and let’s his head fall back against the wall behind him. Clint’s eyes wonder over his neck and slight collarbone that was peeking out from underneath shit shirt. Bucky shoots the ceiling a layered look before letting his head fall forward. </p><p>‘At the wedding.’</p><p>‘Steve and Sharon’s?’</p><p>‘Yeah.’ Bucky flicked ash out of the window. ‘Being there, being home and seeing my ma and Steve. It just made me realise everything I’d missed. And you asked about me running away and why I did it and I didn’t have a good enough answer. The whole day I felt so weird and..and I had never felt so vulnerable before.’ Bucky looked so confused it made Clint’s skin feel brittle.</p><p>‘I don’t understand.’ </p><p>‘I felt so jealous but infatuated and angry but ecstatic. I never thought I wanted an ordinary life. Friends and a partner and a steady career. I thought I wanted what I had, but then I had a twelve-hour flight to think about the entire day. It was. I thought I was just at this wedding. Flirting with a cute guy and getting drunk and dancing with strangers but…I sound like an idiot don’t I?’ He took a quick draw squinting as he blew smoke out of the window. </p><p>‘A little.’</p><p>‘So when I got back to Germany I handed in my resignation and I went to all the places I wanted to go. I travelled around trying to live the life I thought I always wanted. Then one day Rhodey phones me up and tells me he’s getting married and that I have to be there and I thought…I have to go home at some point.’ He shrugs. </p><p>‘So, you’re back for good?’ Bucky nods. ‘You what? Packed up your entire life and came home because Steve’s wedding made you sad?’</p><p>‘When you put it like that you make it sound ridiculous.’</p><p>‘Because it is!’</p><p>‘I left Brooklyn because I thought I belonged somewhere else. Even in Germany I never let myself get too comfortable.’ Bucky leant over the sill and handed the cigarette to Clint who graciously accepted. </p><p>‘Then why are you being so weird about coming back?’</p><p>‘Because I gave up? Because I got it wrong,’ he guessed blindly.</p><p>‘You didn’t give up? You changed your mind.’</p><p>‘This was never part of my plan.’ </p><p>‘Your plan?’ Clint’s nose scrunched up pressing into his brow.</p><p>‘You’re telling me you don’t have a life plan?’ Clint shook his head. ‘No idea where you’re going to be in 5 years.’ </p><p>‘Not dead hopefully. Still have my awesome but badly paying job at the Post and the apartment block. Apart from that, I don’t care.’ Bucky laughs like Clint just cracked a joke. </p><p>‘I’ve had everything worked out since I was 17.’ It’s a confession like statement full of regret and loneliness. </p><p>‘What?’ Clint says because he can’t think of anything else.</p><p>‘I was going to use my college fund to go traveling. I was going to see the world, take photos, never settle down for too long in one place and find a passion. Then when the money ran out I was going to settle in the place I landed up in, go to school and get a job, normal adult stuff. Then once I got enough money together I was going to see the rest of the world, I’d keep stopping and starting until I did and once I’d seen every nook and cranny I’d settle in my favourite corner and never leave.’ Bucky sounded mystified as he spoke like it was something so far off and distant.</p><p>‘You don’t want that anymore?’</p><p>‘No, I just think I found my favourite corner a little earlier on in my plan than I had expected,’ he rubbed his hands over his face as Clint took a draw. </p><p>‘But, you haven’t seen everything yet.’ </p><p>‘What can I say…It just feels like I needed to leave for a while to know it was right.’ He picked the cigarette out of Clint’s hand and sucked in the last puff. ‘It’s just that I am a little ahead of schedule.’ He flicked the end out of the window. </p><p>‘How far ahead?</p><p>‘About twenty years.’ Suddenly a bright laughter filled the little bathroom hidden in a hallway so far away from everyone else. ‘Last time I was home for Steve’s birthday was…the time Sam had a cookout on his roof and he ended up pissing off all the neighbours.'</p><p>‘The night of the five parties.’ Clint whispers remembering the night instantly.</p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘Fourth of July 2012?’</p><p>‘How did you know?’ Clint jumped off the sill and grabbed the two champagne glasses. After placing them on the sill in the middle of the two he jumped back into his spot. </p><p>‘I had met Steve like 3 days before when I flooded the bakery and I got Nat to come over that night and fix it enough until I could get someone professional to assess exactly how much of a mess I’d made. She’s like a wizard with that kinda shit. Anyway. Steve was bold enough to start flirting with her. Like full on subtle flexing and that stupid side-ways grin he does.’ Clint smiles brightly at the memory.</p><p>‘I know it well.’ Bucky leans forward to grab a glass. </p><p>‘He invites her to his pals Fourth of July party and I’m standing right there. Like. An idiot.’ Clint leans back and pulls his knees to his chest letting himself relax into the sill.</p><p>‘Did he just ignore you?’</p><p>‘He tried his hardest. Nat wasn’t having any of it she was dating this girl called Yelena at the time and she couldn’t be bothered with Steve’s hetero male bullshit, but she said yeah.’</p><p>‘Why?’</p><p>‘Because she wanted to piss him off.’</p><p>‘I don’t get it.’</p><p>‘Her exact reply was ‘Yeah sure, that sounds great. Me and Clint will be there about 8.’ Steve was polite about it of course even though he definitely hated me.’ He rolled his eyes at that. </p><p>‘So, you were there?’</p><p>‘No, that’s the thing. Sharon had already gotten us invited to Tony’s Fourth of July garden party at the Mansion, Nat forgot that Yelena’s roommate was hosting one at their apartment, I had already agreed to go to this dude I was sleeping with at the time, Matt’s, party and there was a cookout happening on my roof with fireworks that I had agreed to show face at.’ When Clint recalled the night he realised for the first time just how different life would’ve been if they had ended up at any of the other parties.</p><p>‘Five parties?’ Bucky starts.</p><p>‘One night.’ Clint adds. </p><p>‘What happened?’</p><p>‘We decided to try to hit them all. But, it wasn’t very well organised. We were all kinda texting each other and we didn’t really create a concrete schedule.’ Bucky was already laughing. ‘I thought the first party we were going to was Yelena’s roommate’s party right? So I turn up there and I know no one! Yelena isn’t even there. Turns out Nat had thought Matt’s was first on the list which made no sense because Yelena was at Stark Mansion. Then Sharon texts me like ‘I’m at yours where is everyone?’’ He lets a chuckle. </p><p>‘So what did you do?’ </p><p>‘I send out a text telling them to head to the cookout and we can just forget about the other parties. I get to mine and there’s Nat and Yelena, but no Sharon.’</p><p>‘She was at Steve’s.’</p><p>‘Yup. She thought we were all at the other ‘cookout’. We tried to phone her but,’ </p><p>‘Sam’s building has the worst reception in Manhattan,’ Bucky interrupts remembering Sam’s first apartment he shared with five guys from his college. </p><p>‘We spent the rest of the night at my buildings party and Sharon eventually got back to us saying she was across the bridge and she was on her way, but-’ Clint’s own laughter cuts him off. ‘That was the night her and Steve met for the first time. I mean they didn’t start dating for a year after that, but it was the beginning of everything.’ </p><p>‘I can’t believe we were both at that party.’ </p><p>‘You didn’t see her?’ Clint can see Bucky thinking about it but he seems to come up empty. </p><p>‘I vaguely remember Sam complaining that Steve was following this new girl around like a lost puppy all night and ignoring literally everyone else at his party. I just didn’t realise it was her.’ </p><p>‘The next morning Sharon comes stumbling into my apartment, I was on the sofa and the other two were in my bed. She lay beside me and she told me about this really nice guy she met last night. He sounded nothing like Steve, my grumpy downstairs tenant who tried and failed to flirt with Nat, he sounded like prince charming.’ Clint remembers the morning clearly even 5 years later. Sharon close against him smelling of booze and fireworks. She giggles sleepily as she recounts falling asleep on the roof of Sam’s building with Steve after they tried to stay up watching all the fireworks go off around the city after the party ended and everyone had went home. </p><p>‘Steve’s different with Sharon. Every time he was in a relationship is was bright and sparky. But, with Sharon it’s soft and calming.’ Bucky describes it perfectly. Even when they weren’t together Sharon and Steve were this perfect coziness. Never too urgent, never too distant.</p><p>‘I guess that’s love.’ Clint and Bucky fall silent for a moment. The air in the bathroom was perfectly warm and the sounds from the streets outside were mellow, but loud enough to blur and tangle within the noisy party happening just a few rooms away.</p><p>‘You ever felt that?’ Bucky asks suddenly. </p><p>‘What?’ </p><p>‘Like you’ve been in relationships all your life that keep feeling the same way and then you meet someone and it feels instantly different?’ Bucky’s eyes are staring Clint down heavy with this unconscious knowingness. Clint is curious with just how much their eye’s can see without letting them know. </p><p>‘I don’t know.’ It’s flat and tuneless, but it doesn’t stop Bucky from smiling. </p><p>‘Maybe you don’t notice it at first.’</p><p>‘Maybe.’</p><p>Bucky left after that in search of some more alcohol. It was a free bar, he had argued, why the hell weren’t they making the most of Tony Starks money? He left Clint sitting in the middle of the sill letting his legs fall over the side. The bathroom was as fancy as the rest of the place and it made Clint uncomfortable. He let his eyes fall closed and thought about maybe texting Sharon to tell her where he was. But he never did. Bucky came back with two bottles of champagne; he locked the door behind him and handed Clint one. He gulped some of it down as Bucky joined him on the sill once again. </p><p>‘There is literally a sofa in here and we are sitting up here,’ Clint thought aloud. Bucky laughed and bumped his shoulders. ‘That sofa looks more expensive than my apartment.’ They both gaze at the plush white sofa that sat completely untouched. He sighed and turned to Bucky who was unexpectedly close. He took another swig from the champagne bottle. Bucky watches him do so carefully making Clint’s whole body shiver edge to edge. The silence isn’t noticeable, there’s traffic rolling past just a few floors below them and at the end of the corridor the richest man in New York was hosting the party of the year. Clint can’t hear any of it. ‘You know,’</p><p>‘Hmm?’</p><p>‘I drink coffee from the pot cause I hate dishes and I can’t remember the last time I did laundry.’ Clint mumbles. </p><p>‘Okay?’ Bucky said breathy and amused. </p><p>‘I don’t own a toolbox and I once spent 6 month watering a fake plant.’ Bucky’s shoulders hunch forward and his eyes scrunch as he laughs. ‘I can’t remember my pin number, I have it written in my phone, and I once ordered a hundred copies of homeward bound instead of ten.’ Clint pushed his chest out like he’s proud.</p><p>‘Why did you need ten?’</p><p>‘That’s not important,’ Clint giggles.</p><p>‘Why are you telling me this?’ </p><p>‘I’m trying to level the playing field. Is it working?’ Bucky nods quickly and then lets his head fall back. </p><p>‘Thank you.’ His voice is light and happy. ‘I listen to Taylor Swift un-ironically.’ Clint glances around to him with wide eyes. </p><p>‘I believed in Santa until I was 15.’ Clint takes another drink. </p><p>‘I don’t think I can beat that one,’ Bucky twists to face Clint who does the same. </p><p>‘I can, I thought Canada was a state for longer than I am willing to admit.’ </p><p>‘When I was a kid I thought it was illegal to not stand for the national anthem whenever you heard it. Like I’d be watching the Olympics and they’d play it and I’d stand up.’ Bucky admits, gazing up at him. Clint clutches onto his chest as he laughs. </p><p>‘I saw 13 going on 30 fifteen times at the movies.’ Bucky nods, his eyes bright and shiny. </p><p>‘Steve was my first kiss,’ he whispers. Clint stops, his mouth falling open, and lets the laughter echo. </p><p>‘Really?’ He says. Bucky bites his lip softly and nods. ‘Okay.’ Clint shakes his head as he lets out a little airy laugh. Bucky cocks his head watching him so carefully. ‘I thought Steve was straight.’<br/>‘Oh he is. It was that fateful game of spin the bottle that cemented our friendship for life.’ He straightened up a little. </p><p>‘Was he any good?’ Bucky nodded his head back and forth a little like he was calculating a score out of 10.</p><p>‘He was okay. Not my favourite,’ he teased, pursing his lips a little. Clint caught on quick enough. </p><p>‘What kiss was your favourite?’ Bucky sighs like he’s actually thinking about it. Clint notices, while Bucky is preparing a mental slide show of all his kisses, that Bucky has a little whole on the side of his nose like a piercing that never healed. </p><p>‘It’s a tie between my old downstairs neighbour in Germany who I used to hook up with. He was drunk one night and went up one too many flights and…well I liked to walk around my apartment naked lot.’ Clint laughs suddenly. ‘He was a good kisser especially for someone I never really had feelings for. Although I learnt a lot of German swear words from him.’ </p><p>‘Who was the other?’ Clint asks. </p><p>‘This mystery guy.’</p><p>‘Yeah?’</p><p>‘Yup. I was in the strange and terrifying land of New Jersey?’ Bucky shrugs. ‘He kissed me under the stars and then I ran away. Never saw him again.’ </p><p>‘Sound’s perfect,’ Clint whispers thinking about the kiss. </p><p>‘What about you?’</p><p>‘Me?’ Clint exhales for the effect. ‘My ex-girlfriend Bobbi was a really good kisser.’ </p><p>‘Oi,’ Bucky near-shouts, hitting him on the arm. Clint leans forward suddenly cupping Bucky’s jaw and kisses him softly. Bucky clutches onto his arms like he was about to slip away. It feels much more than the kiss in New Jersey and more important than any kiss Clint has ever experienced. He pulls away just enough to speak. ‘I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night.’ Clint confesses. Bucky closes his eyes and smiles softly moving his hand down to grip onto Clint’s shirt.</p><p>‘Neither have I.’ Bucky’s lips are red and soft as he whispers into the little gap that separates the two. ‘Y’know, I don’t have anywhere to be tonight.’</p><p>‘No planes to catch?’ Clint whispers back</p><p>‘None at all.’</p><p>‘Good.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again I had no-one to beta this so it's likely very messy. Anyway...</p><p>I don't have any knowledge on expensive wines or whiskeys so pls ignore that entire moment. I hope you like it? Leave a comment cause I really do depend on those to find the courage to post.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. April 2018 - Nat and Sam’s wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nat &amp; Sam </p><p>When Clint woke up that morning there was a warm beam beating through open patio doors. The wind was fluttering around the smell of the sea and making the white curtains dance in the morning sunshine. Clint smiled. From where he was lying on the massive expanse of a bed, burrowed under soft sheets, he could see the ocean. It was calm and still and nobody was around so it seemed as if he was alone in his own little paradise. He leaned up to pop in his hear aids and then lay down again letting himself sink into the bed. He was overwhelmed by the sounds of the ocean, crashing waves and chirping birds. He sighed happily before turning away from the beautiful scene. On the other side of the bed he was met with a bare back and a mess of hair. Clint rolled his eyes before leaning forward and kissing the middle of the shoulder blades. </p><p>‘Mmph.’ Was the sound he was greeted with. Clint laughs and pulls Bucky over so he was lying flat on his back. </p><p>‘Babe, wake up.’ Bucky’s peaceful face was interrupts as he screws up his eyes and tries to push Clint away. Clint straddles his waist and leant over his face smiling. ‘Buck. Come on.’ </p><p>‘Why?’ Bucky’s voice is heavy and gruff.</p><p>‘I don’t know…maybe because our best friends are getting married today?’ He laughs, shaking his boyfriends shoulders. </p><p>‘No they aren’t.’ Is his reply which makes Clint laugh. Bucky opens one eye at a time squinting up at him. ‘Clint…it’s too early.’ </p><p>‘It’s 12pm Buck.’ He smiles down at him. Bucky groans letting his head roll back and Clint leans down and kisses him on the cheek, then the forehead and then the nose. ‘I told you not to do those shots. You-’</p><p>‘Always regret shots, yes I know,’ Bucky interrupts. Clint kisses him softly as Bucky wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him down. ‘We could just stay in bed, nobody will miss us we aren’t even important,’ he says, mostly into Clint’s neck.</p><p>‘Bucky we are 2 out of 4 guests,’ Clint whispers back, ‘and I’m the maid of honour.’</p><p>‘You are joint maid of honour.’ Clint pushes himself up and jumps out of the bed. ‘Oh god, Clint. Why is it so fucking bright in here.’ Clint makes his way to the bathroom. ‘You were kinda acting like a sun blocker what the hell.’ </p><p>‘We are in Hawaii Buck. It gets a lot more sun than Brooklyn.’ Clint disappears into the bathroom. He told Nat and Sharon he would meet them at 1 in Nat and Sam’s room before the group had a late brunch out on the patio, although that was a plan made at 4am this morning when they were walking along the beach drunk on cocktails and that dreaded final round of shots. </p><p>‘I’m getting married!’ Nat screamed out into the ocean with the biggest smile; teeth and all. Sharon, who was surprisingly not drunk even though she had been drinking with them all night, was carrying most of Bucky’s weight as they walked in front. Steve was giving Clint a piggyback as the sea sloshed up to their ankles. Sam ran up to Nat, wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up spinning. ‘We’re getting married!’ She screamed. Bucky turned back, letting Sharon stand up straight for the first time since the bar. </p><p>‘Clint!’ He groaned looking around the beach in a panic. ‘Did we forget Clint again?’ His words slurred with concern. </p><p>‘I’m up here!’ Clint called from Steve’s back. It was a wonder how this 6ft man was carrying this other 6ft man on his back for nearly a mile of drunk stumbling. Although, Steve worked out more than your average baker. </p><p>‘Bucky.’ Sharon pulled at his arm. ‘We have to get back to the house.’ Nat and Sam had rented this huge beach front villa, that was owned by the hotel next door, with a pool that led right onto the beach. It was truly paradise. ‘Tomorrow…today,’ she groaned, ‘is important. Can you all please.’ She was trying to drag Bucky, who was looking up at his boyfriend smiling brightly, but he wouldn’t budge. ‘Steve,’ she moaned. </p><p>‘Come on, kids!’ He bellowed, getting everyone's attention. ‘Bed time.’ Nat and Sam ran up to join them and Clint held on a little tighter as Steve sped up. They finally made it to the house when Sharon gave them the rundown. </p><p>‘I need the bridal party in Sam and Nat’s room at 1pm okay?’ Clint nods. ‘Boys you are in our room to get ready okay?’ Everyone nods and Nat whispers a meek yes. ‘Okay, now go to bed and make sure you get some sleep, please? We are having a wedding brunch before the ceremony because I cannot imagine you all this drunk on an empty stomach.’ Clint jumps down off Steve and pulls his wallet out.</p><p>‘How much?’ Steve squints. ‘Didn’t you have the meter running?’ Clint asks and Steve just shoves him into the house. </p><p>When Clint emerges from the bathroom finally Bucky is sitting in the middle of the bed fiddling with his camera base. Clint smiles down at him. ‘You okay Buck?’</p><p>‘My brain is mush. What’s aperture? What does this do?’ He points to a lens lying next to him. ‘Do you think they can post-pone until I’ve puked up all the alcohol?’ Bucky groans.</p><p>‘Alcohol is the best cure for a hangover.’ Clint pulls his and Bucky’s suits off of the hooks they were hanging on and lays them on the bed behind Bucky. ‘I’ve got the shower running if you wanna join me?’ Clint mumbles while he fiddles with one of the buttons on his shirt. Bucky leans his head back and smiles. ‘Come on then. We have an hour until Sharon comes and drags us out by our ears.’ He offers a hand and Bucky accepts pulling him into the bathroom. </p><p>Nat was still in bed when Clint finally get’s to her room at 1:15. She isn’t asleep but she’s laying in a cocoon of white pillows and blankets staring out the open doors out into the ocean. She looks soft and sleepy and the only sign that’s she’d actually been up that morning was her hair wrapped in a fluffy towel. Sharon is sitting at the bottom of the bed with Nat’s feet in her lap painting her nails and Nat’s toes slowly. Clint swings his suit around and hangs it next to Nat and Sharon’s dresses. </p><p>‘Did Bucky actually get out of bed?’ Sharon asks, not looking up from the task at hand. Clint laughs a little laying beside Nat who shoots him and sleepy smile. ‘Steve was near tears this morning when I woke him up at 10.’ Clint could imagine it. </p><p>‘How’s the bride-to-be?’ Nat rolls her eyes in response. ‘Same,’ he replies. ‘Sharon how are you so perky?’ Clint lay his head on Nat’s stomach and stares up at her. Sharon shrugs applying a last coat. ‘You’re usually the worst for hangovers.’ He was right. Sharon was notorious for hangovers. The day after the hurricane, that had the three stuck in Sharon’s penthouse, she refused to get out of bed until 7pm. Clint hadn’t meant to get drunk with strangers during a deadly storm, but it happened and then he spent the day after nursing Sharon who was sure she was dying. Sharon kept quiet though as Nat and Clint lay in bed listening to the ocean that was so close they could taste it in the air. It wasn’t until 2 that Clint and Nat actually moved from that spot. </p><p>Sam and Bucky were sitting at the set table when the rest got there. They were drinking coffee and laughing about something that Clint couldn’t make out. Nat and Clint stood in the doorway for a moment. The sun was high in the sky and the ocean was glittering just behind the scene that was playing out. </p><p>‘You picked a good one,’ he whispers. Nat only nods. She hadn’t even looked at her dress all morning and she stood their tiny next to Clint in her sweat pants and Sam’s old college hoodie. Clint pulls an arm around her and kisses the top of her head softly. ‘I don’t know why, but this is getting to me a little more than when Sharon got married.’ </p><p>‘Love has made you soft,’ Nat replied, relaxing into his side. Sam looked up almost on cue and smiled brightly. Nat walked across the porch and settled next to him letting her head fall onto his shoulder. Clint turned back into the kitchen where Sharon was sitting up on the counter while Steve cooked. She was eating something out of a bowl that Steve kept snatching off of her. </p><p>‘She’s fucking right,’ Clint mumbled to himself before helping Steve outside with the food.</p><p>***<br/>
When they got back up to the room Nat was intending on laying about for another hour before getting ready but Sharon put on some music and threatened that if Nat didn’t get up she would make Clint do her makeup. Nat groaned letting Sharon drag her out onto the balcony while Clint steamed their dresses. He watched them for a moment before grabbing the bottle of champagne and three glasses he had brought from the kitchen and joined them out in the warmth of the sun. </p><p>‘Is this a mistake?’ Nat said softly when Clint handed her a glass. Sharon and Clint stopped suddenly. Sharon looked like she wanted to say something but she waited a beat. ’Not like that,’ Nat laughed. Clint let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding in as Sharon shook her head. ‘I meant. Sam and I got engaged 4 days ago. Is running away and eloping really what I want?’ </p><p>‘You and Sam don’t do normal. Your first date was airplane food on a flight from Detroit. You kept your relationship secret from us for 3 months. You got engaged after 9 months. You’ve been flirting with each other for 5 years and it took you both randomly being on the same connecting flight for you to realise you liked each other?’ Nat was traveling back from Vegas for a work thing and Sam was in Detroit visiting his parents. Nat met Sharon and Clint for brunch at the sushi place and was intending on telling them about the moment her and Sam had shared, but Clint was too busy detailing his night with Bucky for Nat to get a word in edgeways. </p><p>‘Could you really see you and Sam having a normal wedding?’ Sharon chimed in. ‘Church wedding? Soppy toasts? Unnecessary crying?’ Nat laughed at that. ‘To be honest I’m shocked we are even here.’ Clint nodded. </p><p>‘How could I do this with you?’ Nat says, mostly to Sharon. Sharon and Nat had been friends since they 18 when they met on their first day of college and they had never went a day without talking to each other. Clint smiled down at the two. ‘And you,’ Nat turned to Clint. ‘Or Steve.’ She sighed. ‘Bucky’s only here cause you’re banging him.’ They all laugh and suddenly the uncertainty had disappeared and all that was left was the sun showering down on the three. Clint poured champagne into Nat’s glass and then his, but when he got to Sharon’s she put her hand on the top and laughed. </p><p>‘Yeah, no, one of us has to be sober to make sure this wedding actually goes ahead,’ she rolled her eyes and then went back to curling her hair with the wand and had somehow stretched out onto the balcony. Clint looked over at Nat slowly and then back at Sharon.</p><p>‘It’s my wedding day Sharon? You have to get drunk with me! I got drunk on whiskey with you on your wedding day and Clint had so many bellini’s he hasn’t been able to even think about peach for over a year.’</p><p>‘Please don’t,’ Clint grumbled tasting phantom alcohol in the back of his throat.</p><p>‘Have one glass. Please?’ Nat was so close to tumbling into lawyer mode it was enough to unsettle Clint’s stomach instantly. </p><p>‘No,’ Sharon was staring at the mirror she had dragged out onto the balcony that morning pretending to be incredibly invested in her hair like she couldn’t do it with her eyes closed.</p><p>‘Sharon,’ Clint said warily. ‘You aren’t going to have some champagne on your best friends wedding day? You weren’t even slightly hungover this morning and you refused coffee at breakfast. What’s up? You on some sort of weird cleans cause that’s stupid. You know that’s stupid right?’ Clint rambled on hoping at some point Nat would jump in but she was sitting there smiling like she knew something he didn’t. Which was a statement that was correct at any moment and not just this one.</p><p>‘I was kind of hoping to wait till after the wedding to tell you guys.’ Sharon put the wand down and turned to them. </p><p>‘Tell us what?’ Clint asked dumbly. </p><p>‘I might be pregnant.’ Clint’s eyes went wider that they had ever gone; he was sure his eyes were about to roll out of his head. Nat just laughed. </p><p>‘Pregnant!’ Clint near screamed. </p><p>‘Shut up!’ Sharon hissed. ‘Nobody knows. Okay? I haven’t told Steve…I haven’t told anyone.’ Her voice was low and dangerous but she was smiling brightly. </p><p>‘How?’ Was all Nat said and Clint had to hold himself back from making a joke. </p><p>‘I haven’t taken a test or anything. I only realised a few days ago and I was kinda too busy trying to plan a wedding to even think about it properly,’ she explained. </p><p>‘You have to go take a test.’ Nat started standing up quickly abandoning everything in a mess of tubes and bobby pins. ‘We’ll take the jeep and we will go into town and we will buy a test…tests!’ She dashed through the room and grabbed the keys that were sitting on her dresser. Clint and Sharon followed cautiously. </p><p>‘Nat, you know I’m onboard with this plan. One hundred percent, but you’re getting married in a few hours.’ Nat stopped suddenly. </p><p>‘We can wait till tomorrow,’ Sharon laughed. </p><p>‘No. We can’t,’ Nat said, throwing the keys at Sharon. ‘You go get some tests and me and Clint will finish getting ready. If the boys ask I’ll make something up.’</p><p>‘Nat this is your day-’ Nat cut’s Sharon off before she can even start.</p><p>‘It IS my day and so you will do what I want.’ Nat lawyered up quickly. Quicker than Clint had ever seen. Nat huffed a little as Sharon stared down at the keys. </p><p>‘Okay,’ she gave in quickly. ‘I’ll be an hour tops.’ She pressed kiss onto Nat’s cheek. ‘Get ready.’ Then she was gone. Nat stood there for a moment and then turned to Clint quickly. </p><p>‘I need you to help me into the dress,’ her voice was suddenly soft. Clint nodded. </p><p>An hour passed and Sharon still hadn’t returned. Nat was sitting inside now braiding little white flowers into her hair as her dress sat laid out on the bed. She sighed taking in her face and hair before glancing up at Clint. The dress wasn’t hard to get into, but it had to be buttoned up the back which Nat couldn’t do on her own. Clint worked slowly not wanting to rush anything and as he slipped the little pearl drop buttons into place he thought about finding the dress just days before. </p><p>The day after they had all gathered in Nat and Sam’s apartment and discussed the sudden impromptu trip to Hawaii for the wedding Sharon had gotten them booked into a bridal boutique in Manhattan. It usually had a 10 month waiting list but Sharon had contacts and she knew how to swindle a late night consultation for her best friend. The little boutique was other worldly, pristine but somehow homely with trails of white satin and ivory lace. Nat was quickly escorted into the a back room with a flurry of white and words Clint didn’t understand. He had been suit shopping with the boys earlier and was already very tired. So, he welcomed the comfy sofa and cup of coffee from the young store assistant. Sharon was walking around the more colourful section of the store pulling out a dress here and there. </p><p>‘You think I need a bridesmaid dress? You guys aren’t really wearing suits are you?’ She didn’t look up at Clint, but instead pulled out a long navy blue dress and held it up to her chest. </p><p>‘Sam was very strict about the casual look. Shirts and slacks. Do you want a bridesmaid dress?’ Sharon looked up still holding the dress up. Clint was nearly horizontal on the fancy, millennial pink, sofa clutching onto the mug like it was a precious gem that needed protecting. </p><p>‘I don’t know. I guess I always expecting Nat to have a normal wedding, which was very stupid of me, and I’d get the chance to be maid of honour. Don’t get me wrong this is fun and unexpected, but I think I’d like at least a note of the colour scheme.’</p><p>‘There isn’t one.’ The two turned to see Nat standing on a little platform wearing a long simple dress. Love heart neckline that hugged her curves into a fishtail bottom. The three stood in silence for a moment taking in the dress. </p><p>‘I don’t like it,’ Sharon said. </p><p>‘Neither do I,’ Clint added. </p><p>‘Yeah,’ Nat agreed. ‘Next.’ She flowed through to the back and left Clint and Sharon alone once again. Sharon shoved Clint upright as she sat next to him. </p><p>‘This is crazy right?’ Clint asks. ‘Like it isn’t just me who thinks this is completely bonkers.’ Sharon only nods. ‘Steve was telling me you guys put down an offer on that place in Soho.’</p><p>‘Can you believe it? I made a man Brooklyn born and bred move to Manhattan.’</p><p>‘How did you do it?’</p><p>‘Easy. Townhouse with enough exposed brick and creaky floor boards to make Steve feel right at home and alotta natural light and…a garden.’ </p><p>‘Can you believe you were thinking of movie to the god-damn burbs Tony Stark…you beautiful man with your beautiful money,’ he gazed down into his mug lovingly. </p><p>‘Don’t. If it wasn’t for Tony’s help on the deposit we would have ended up in New Jersey or Long Island,’ Sharon said, her voice laced with disgust. </p><p>‘I wanna cry when I think about it.’ Nat came out then now in a dress that came to her knees. It was simple corset style on top and then a satin skirt that puffed a little at her hips and made her look like a ballerina. Clint sighed softly as Sharon stood and walked up to Nat. </p><p>‘It’s nice,’ Sharon said touching the fabric softly. Clint nodded agreeing with her. It was nice, it was elegant and simple and Natasha looked gorgeous. ‘You don’t like it.’ </p><p>‘I was expecting a feeling if I’m honest.’ Nat twirled the skirt a little and then sighed. ‘I have one more to try on that they picked out and then we have to look in the catalogue.’ Sharon pushed her into the room and disappeared with her. Cling shrugged taking a long sip from the still warm coffee. It only took a moment for them to reappear. First Sharon who looked on the edge of an emotional revelation and then Nat who was wearing a soft chiffon dress that trailed along the floor just slightly. Slight straps and a low neckline. It looked ethereal with slight layers that softened the white ivory colour. Delicate flowers, embroidered on, flow down the simple and elegant dress that is slick and light on Natasha. Clint breathes in a little too deeply. It was the same feeling he had when he saw Sharon in her vintage lace gown only a few years before. </p><p>‘It’s perfect,’ Nat glimmered as she watched herself sway in the mirror. The fabric was light and airy and it swished back and forth as she moved. ‘Isn’t it?’ The other two nod. </p><p>Nat was standing in front of the mirror adding the last few touches to her hair when she turned to Clint quickly. </p><p>‘My bouquet. It’s in Sharon and Steve’s room,’ Clint nodded before leaving her alone. He walked towards the room as Bucky was just coming out. He was holding the bouquet in his hands and smiled over at Clint when he noticed him. </p><p>‘Looking for these?’ Clint nodded. Bucky was in his shirt and black slacks, the first couple of buttons undone and his sleeves pulled up over his fore arm. He had cuffed his pants as well giving him a very undone beach look which Clint admired. He pulled Bucky in for a swift kiss. ‘What was that for?’ He laughed. </p><p>‘You look good,’ Clint continued to stare him down a little less subtly than before. ‘I love the suspenders.’ He pulled at them a little. </p><p>‘You do?’ Bucky smiles up at him before pulling his camera bag around and pushing him off. ‘I’m coming to take some pictures of you guys before we head down.’ Clint nodded slowly, panic settling into his bones. </p><p>‘Or…we could finish what we started this morning in the shower?’ Bucky sighed as his look of annoyance was infiltrated by a temptation he tried to disguise. Clint rolled his eyes letting Bucky pull him towards Nat and Sam’s room. ‘You always ruin my fun,’ he mumbled as they walked in. Nat was patting her face with a makeup brush softly and only glances towards the pair as she threw the brush onto the bed beside her and picked up a black tube. Bucky clicked a quick photo and then Nat scrunched her face flipping him off. He clicked another photo. Clint laughed at the two as Bucky turned to get a picture of him. </p><p>‘Bucky you’re being annoying,’ Nat grumbled. She stood up quickly and moved towards the balcony to grab her glass she had left out there. </p><p>‘You wanted candids,’ Bucky mumbled from behind the camera. </p><p>‘No, Sam wanted candids.’ She smiled over the glass and straight down the camera. Clint joined her as they pulled ugly faces in an attempt to ruin Bucky’s photo’s. </p><p>‘You guys are giving me great shots to use against you in a few years.’ This stopped them as they posed nicely for a few shots. ‘Where is Sharon?’ Bucky pulled the camera down as the two fell silent. Nat glanced at Clint whose eyes were desperately staring her down. </p><p>‘Sharon?’ Clint asks dumbly causing Nat to turn away as she tried to stop herself from laughing. Bucky chuckled lightly. </p><p>‘Yes, Sharon. Our friend?’ Clint shakes his head and exhales slowly causing Bucky to completely abandon his camera and leave it hanging around his neck. </p><p>‘Doesn’t ring a bell.’ Clint tries really hard to look genuinely confused. </p><p>‘He is joking right?’ Bucky asks Nat who only shrugs in response. ‘You guys are being weird,’ he states, slowly backing away from the two. ‘Clint?’</p><p>‘Hmm?’ Clint’s confusion act turning more animated by the second. ‘Sharon is…’ he stops and scratches that back of his neck. ‘Sharon is…’ Bucky lurches his head forward a little like he is pushing to hear the end of the sentence. ‘Sharon is….’ Clint exhales once again shrugging and throwing his hands in the air like it was an acceptable answer. </p><p>‘Well then, we will see you out there Buck,’ Nat finally speaks walking him out the door and slamming it shut behind him. </p><p>‘So much for ‘If the boys ask I’ll make something up’ eh Nat?’ Clint sits down on one of the chairs out on the balcony and Nat joined him. </p><p>‘Sorry, I just really wanted to see where you were going with the whole I don’t know who Sharon is plan.’ She swings her legs up to lay atop the wooden railing. Clint only laughs as the two sit for a moment in the sun. Clad in their wedding clothes the conversation drifts into nothing as they listen to the boys rattle around just a couple of rooms along, the ocean splash around in an unnatural excitement and the traffic roll up and down the main road in front of the house. There was music playing from somewhere in the distance which seemed to be the only thing Clint could focus on as he watched the trees sway and lurch against the backdrop of the sea he couldn’t name. </p><p>‘Do you think you and Bucky are forever?’ She whispers as if not to interrupt the ocean. </p><p>‘I don’t know. I hope so.’ Clint thinks for a moment about how he feels when he sees Bucky. How much he wishes that he could stay in moments forever and he thinks sure forever with Bucky Barnes and his ridiculous name? That sounded perfect. But, he is plagued with the thought that it isn’t just him that needs to want it forever. It’s Bucky and it’s the universe. ‘How did you know?’</p><p> ‘It was just a moment,’ Nat says after a pause. ‘We were at Sharon’s new years party and it was full of all her pretentious work friends and you were drunk off your ass trying to get into Matt’s pants and Steve had food poisoning so the only person I actually liked at the party was Sam,’ she stopped for a moment and laughed brightly. ‘And he spent the whole party with me sitting on the kitchen counter talking shit and trying to make me laugh. It was perfect.’</p><p>‘I remember that night. That was four years ago; you and Sam weren’t even together yet.’ </p><p>‘I know,’ she says softly. </p><p>‘Nat.’ Clint turns to her suddenly and she’s smiling, but her eyes seem sad. </p><p>‘I’ve known for years that he’s the one. I was just waiting for him to realise,’ she looks towards Clint in a way that makes him feel like she knew exactly what was going on inside his head and then she laughed. ‘He spent his new years trying to cheer me up because Yelena had just broken up with me and he didn’t care when I cried at midnight and he didn’t care when I asked him to walk me home. He just did it. Then we were standing on my door step and he was telling me this story about the time Steve got on stage with The Killers and then immediately fell off and broke his arm?’ </p><p>‘I know the story.’ </p><p>‘And he was trying to remember the song they were playing and I don’t know. It was that moment, we were standing in the middle of New York at 3am on new years day and he was singing off-key and I realised that I had never been happier.’ She let out a little laugh and Clint laughed too. </p><p>***</p><p>The ceremony was underneath a low handing tree that slumped over the beach elegantly. Woven within its branches were a tangle of glittering lights and flowers that shone out against the sun that was setting behind it. Underneath its curled branches was an aisle of sprinkled petals that led to Sam and Steve who were looking out onto the setting sun like it was telling them stories. When they had organised the wedding only days prior this was the simplest option. A local man who officiated every wedding in the town had come and the small hotel that owned the beach had decorated for the occasion. Bucky walked ahead pulling Steve away and ruffling his hair a little before they stood off to the side. Sam looked back towards Clint and asked with a look if everything was okay and Clint nodded because everything was perfect. Bucky snapped a picture of him making him scowl.</p><p>‘We can’t start without her,’ Nat spoke softly as she looked towards the house. ‘I can’t do it without her.’ Clint placed a hand on her back and pulled her away from her hiding spot. ‘Clint.’ She tried to pull back, but then she saw what he did. The jeep parked in the drive. Nat turned to look down the aisle. Sam was looking up at her with the most perfect smile and she let out the smallest of laughs. Clint leaned down and quickly fixed a little bit of hair that had fallen out one of her braids, tucking it under one of the white flowers. ‘You think she knows?’ Nat whispered and Clint nodded. She pushed up onto her tip toes and kissed his cheek. </p><p>Clint stumbled down the aisle and stands in his spot directly opposite Bucky. They barely spare him a look as Nat stands at the edge of the beach smiling silly and the rest stare up her. Steve leans across Bucky suddenly. </p><p>‘Where’s Sharon?’ He asks softly. </p><p>‘Girl stuff.’ Clint shrugs because he can see Sharon now. She runs to Nat who holds onto her waist as they talk in little notes. Clint can’t hear a thing they are saying, but when Nat gasps softy and pulls Sharon into a hug he can feel his chest fill with an unexpected feeling. Sharon laughs and glances down at Steve who smiles back unknowingly. </p><p>‘What’s all that about?’ Bucky asks Clint as he takes a quick picture of Sharon and Nat at the end of the aisle. </p><p>‘I don’t know.’ Clint lies as Sharon finally walks towards them. And then Nat and Sam get married. As the sky met the sea in a perfect pink-orange line which collapsed into the ocean in a moment. Everything was quiet as the two whispered about love and foreverness. Clint felt warm even as the night drew in and the sun, that had showered over them all day, was completely submerged in the ocean letting day light seep into the waters. It was a simple ceremony and after they gathered at a table just a few minutes walk away. It was surrounded by candles and flowers that lit up a little moment on a dark and quiet beach. And it was just them and the ocean singing them songs to make memories to. Staff from the hotel served them some food as they talked and drank a little too much. Bucky leant into Clint a little pulling him away from the moment almost instantly. </p><p>‘I love you,’ he whispered. Clint looked down and took in the sight as the fire light illuminated Bucky’s soft features and made his eyes glow a golden brightness in the dark. Clint’s eye cranked as he beamed. </p><p>‘I love you.’ Bucky’s lips twitched in a wonderful way as he closed his eyes and let himself melt perfectly into Clint’s side. Clint kissed the top of his head and then let the sound of his friends laughing, and drinking sing him into a day-dream. </p><p>Steve, after a little too much champagne, stood and immediately secured everyone's attention. Bucky sat up a little straighter but never moved from Clint’s soft embrace and he shouted ‘Speech’ up at his best friend. Steve cleared his throat and Sam let out a hearty laugh. </p><p>‘I didn’t prepare anything because I was told not to, but I just wanted to say something quickly while you are all drunk enough to not tease me for it in the morning.’ Clint glanced around the table. Sharon was gazing up to her husband, the drink in front of her untouched, her head tilted and eyes twinkling in the candlelight. ‘I love you guys so much. It feels like a strange turn of fate that brought the six of us together, but I’d much rather believe it was me. I didn’t know when I bought that bakery 6 years ago that it would be the catalyst to me meeting the love of my life never mind it bringing together Sam and Nat.’ Sam was sat directly opposite looking like he was about to laugh and Nat, with her feet in his lap, lounged across her chair her eyes heavy but happy. ‘People would say it was luck that Clint stumbled down Sharon’s street during that hurricane. People might even say it was pure chance that Sharon ended up at Sam’s party that night. I think most of us would say it was a damn miracle that Sam ended up sat next to Nat on that flight from Detroit. But, if I’m honest I’m just glad. Glad that Clint flooded my bakery. Glad that Bucky is back. Glad that Nat is too cheap to pay for a non-stop flight and just had to lay-over in Detroit.’ Nat rolled her eyes. ‘I guess, what I’m trying to say if that if this was it forever if nothing moved forward from this point; if the earth stopped turning. Then I’d be the happiest man alive.’ Clint watched him knowing that it wasn’t true, but that it was okay because ocean tumbled on. </p><p>‘You’re such a sap, Stevie,’ Bucky interrupted the moment as he raised a glass and so did everyone else. Sharon held the glass to her lips and watched as everyone finished off their champagne; when she placed it back down Clint swapped it with his. </p><p>Nat and Sharon were ahead skipping along the grass that led from the beach to the house; they were holding hands like kids in the middle of a day-dream. Clint walked with Bucky letting him lag behind a little as Sam and Steve ran ahead to join the girls. Bucky stopped suddenly as the rest of the group disappeared into the house in a flurry of laughter. He hesitated only for a moment before pulling Clint back onto the beach. </p><p>‘What are you doing?’ Clint asked as Bucky pulled him down to the shore. The ocean was splashing up to their ankles as Bucky threw his shirt and pants onto the beach. Clint followed laughing at how ridiculous they must have looked. He pulled Clint in deeper and the water was surprisingly warm. They finally stopped swimming when they were far enough out that the house was just a bundle of lights that could have easily been stars. Clint was soaked to the bone and Bucky was laughing beautifully, his hair sticking to his cheeks and his breathing ragged. The moment was a spark chaos on a calm and quiet night. The air warm like a memory of the sunshine and happiness washed over them like a wave as everything around him slowed to a halt. Bucky pulled him close and kissed him in the middle of an ocean he still couldn’t name which was a melody of purple and blue. </p><p>And it was then under foreign stars, that fell upon them like rain, that Clint knew that Bucky was his forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is a big old mess. I was very stressed all the way through and I honestly hate it a little bit so accept my apologies and I will try a little harder on the next chapter. everything kinda went out the window on this one and hopefully it will be back to regularly scheduled programming next time. okay....okay.</p><p>leave a comment if you didn't hate it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. November 2018 - America and Kate's Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>America &amp; Kate</p>
<p>This may be the lowest point in Clint’s adult life. Sitting in a photo booth alone hiding from the entire world behind a paper thin curtain. It’s stark white in the tiny little box with a camera reflecting back to him his own heavy eyes and shame splattered face. He closes his eyes just for a second because, no, his life can’t have already hit rockbottom he’s only 32; he just needs to get through today and then maybe wait a few years before going out in public again. It seems like a solid plan as music and happy chatter buzz away on the other side of the white sheet curtain. A flimsy barrier that wouldn’t protect him from what he was hiding from. It was a small reception and it wouldn’t take long for someone to find him huddled up in this stupid white box. And, as if on cue, two feet clip clop past in little strappy black sandal and then stop suddenly. He holds his breath and pulls his feet up onto the seat with him. So, this is what it feels like to be in a horror movie, Clint thinks.</p>
<p>‘Clint,’ Sharon’s voice is irritated but not angry; which was a good sign. ‘I know this is difficult, but I’m going to need you to come out of there and maybe not act like a complete idiot.’ Sharon knew today was going to be difficult and she knew that she, as the designated sober friend, would have to deal with any and all issues they encountered. Which came as soon as they entered the building.</p>
<p>‘Sharon. I don’t know why you all thought me coming would be a good idea…I mean…’ he trailed off a little finding it hard to even talk about his current predicament.</p>
<p>‘Kate and America want you here, Clint.’ Clint rolls his eyes at that. Sharon knew that would make him leave. Kate and America were the new tenants in his block. Fresh out of college and looking for a cheap place to rent in the city; they found Clint’s add for the old lady’s apartment. Freshly painted and the nicotine stains all but gone. They moved in in the May and by the July they had infiltrated his and Bucky’s life in the brightest and loveliest way. They had invited the whole group to the reception of their wedding and they just couldn’t say no.</p>
<p>‘I just don’t think I can do it,’ Clint mumbles like a kid and Sharon finally pulls back the curtain and joins him in the booth. This might’ve worked 5 months ago, but Sharon was the size of a small car at this point so Clint moved off the seat so she could sit. Her hands fell onto her belly as she looked up at him. ‘I know I’m being awkward but,’</p>
<p>‘You’re not. If I were you I probably wouldn’t have even shown up,’ Clint let himself slide down the wall of the photo booth and sit on the grubby floor. His feet stuck out the edge and past the curtain, but he didn’t care.</p>
<p>‘Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?’ Sharon shrugged. Suddenly the curtain flipped open and Nat peaked her head in.</p>
<p>‘Room for one more?’ Clint looked around and then lifted his legs to his chest leaving enough room for Nat to sit on the ground next to him. She closed the curtains, thankfully, and then just gave Clint a look he had grown accustomed to over the past month.</p>
<p>‘Sorry for being a mess,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>‘You’re a mess, but you’re our mess,’ Nat spoke softly and Sharon nodded from up on the stool. ‘You could’ve picked a better hiding spot though?’ Clint laughed at that. ‘People are starting to form a queue.’ Clint groaned letting his head fall back against the bright white abyss. Sharon pet’s his blonde mop in a soothing way which makes Clint feel simultaneously better and more like a child by the second.</p>
<p>‘I spotted a supply closet on the way in…maybe I could go hide there.’ He worked out the logistics in his head. ‘Where are the boys?’ Clint asked not knowing if they could fit the entire group in this flimsy wedding booth.</p>
<p>‘Looking for you, we kinda split up.’ Nat looks over at him and frowns. ‘Do you wanna go home?’ Home? Clint thought. Yeah sure, let’s go back to the apartment he can barely stand to be in or maybe Nat means back to her and Sam’s place where he had been crashing on and off for a month.</p>
<p>‘No,’ he said softly. ‘I had to see him at some point.’ A month ago to the moment Bucky Barnes had broken Clint Barton’s heart. Tore it out his chest and stomped on it until it was shattered into such tiny little pieces that Clint would never be able to put it back together. Somewhere across the city bits of Clint’s heart are still embedded into his carpet never to be found. And now? Well Bucky Fucking Barnes is sitting at one of the tables talking and drinking and pretending that Clint isn’t also at this goddamn wedding.</p>
<p>‘He’s a dick,’ Sharon said suddenly. They had all agreed, almost silently, as a group not to take sides. And it was hard. Steve and Sam were Bucky’s best friends and Sharon and Nat were the only people Clint really had and it all ended up being messier than they had intended, but still the group remained impartial; until that moment. ‘I know we said no taking sides, but…it’s true. He led you on Clint! He made you fall in love with him and then what? Turns around and says ‘sorry you just ain’t it?’ Sharon summed up the breakup quite nicely if Clint was being honest. He hadn’t told them everything. He hadn’t told them how Bucky had planned to leave before he even got home. He hadn’t told them how he begged him to stay.</p>
<p>‘Sharon’s right,’ Nat mumbled. ‘He’s a dick. Don’t tell Sam, but I’d be happy if I never had to even think about Bucky fucking Barnes ever again.’ Clint hadn’t felt even nearly happy in a month until that point. The curtain finally pulls back and Sam is standing there looking down at the three of them.</p>
<p>‘You guys okay?’ He asks softly. ‘Was that a stupid question?’</p>
<p>‘No,’ Clint says, standing up quickly, ‘it wasn’t.’ He offers Sam a genuine smile before helping Nat up and Sharon out of the tiny coffin like box. He stood on the edge for a moment hesitating at the thought of stepping out and onto the hardwood floor.</p>
<p>‘Clint,’ Sam caught his attention. The two women were standing off to the side watching as Sam held out a hand to Clint who couldn’t seem to bring himself to step out of the box. ‘We can go if you want?’ Clint thought about it. Stepping out of the box, finding Katie Kate and America and giving them both a hug and telling them he loved them, maybe buying them both and drink and then Irish goodbye-ing it. Maybe going back to his? A lonely apartment that is haunted by Bucky. Bed sheets that still smell like him no matter how many times he washes them. Clothes that Bucky borrowed when he got cold on late evenings and early mornings. An ashtray filled with cigarette butts that sat lonely out on the fire escape. A fire escape that even the thought of made Clint’s stomach twist. Clint’s rapid and unruly thoughts were interrupted by Sam’s phone going off. Everyone stopped as the little jingle rang out of his pocket.</p>
<p>‘Sam,’ Clint is the first to speak. Sam nodded digging his phone out of his pocket quickly and then he sighed putting it up to his ear.</p>
<p>‘Steve, we gotta keep this line open buddy…’ Sam rolled his eyes, ‘yeah we’re at the photo booth.’ As he slipped the phone back into his pocket Nat reached his side. ‘False alarm,’ he reassured as Nat slipped her arm around him in a half-hug. Clint stepped down out of the box and sighed. ‘You wanna go?’ Sam asked.</p>
<p>‘No,’ Clint admitted. ‘It’s a wedding and I am going to dance and get drunk and eat cake with my friends.’ Steve comes up then with his side-ways grin and tie loosened. ‘Steve?’ Clint asks his voice a little brighter now. ‘You think you could keep him at least four tables away from me at any moment?’ Steve nods. ‘Okay, next rounds on me.’</p>
<p>America and Kate were poor college graduates with stupidly low paying internships that seemed illegal, but Nat assured him that that was just the great United States of America baby. So their wedding venue was a loft space in the middle of Brooklyn which Clint had haggled for them a few months prior. It wasn’t huge and it didn’t look like the most extravagant wedding, but it was cozy and slight and filled to the brim with more happiness than Clint was exactly ready for. He finally found Kate at the bar doing shots with a group of girls.</p>
<p>‘Clint!’ She slurred wrapping her arms around him tightly. ‘You made it!’</p>
<p>‘I was going to buy you a drink, but I think you might have had a little too much.’ Kate giggles loud and obnoxious; but adorable all the same.</p>
<p>‘Turns out when you get married everyone wants to buy you a drink.’ Clint leans over and orders a round for the table while Kate slurs a story to him. ‘I haven’t seen you for ages. Have you been out of town?’ Kate and Clint had grown really close since she moved into the apartment. With America working all hours at her two jobs and Kate working from home most of the time her and Clint had started just hanging out together during the day. Clint’s been couch surfing since the break up as he couldn’t bare to be back at the apartment so he hadn’t actually seen either of them since before the break up.</p>
<p>‘I’ve been super swamped with stuff,’ he lied. ‘Anyway, haven’t you been too busy planning the wedding of the year?’ Kate nodded a little letting herself lean against Clint for support as she gazed lovingly at America who was dancing in the centre of the room.</p>
<p>‘You know she got offered a permanent place at Shield,’ Kate whispered. ‘They wanna reassign her to San Francisco. She doesn’t know I know.’</p>
<p>‘You going to go?’</p>
<p>‘There wasn’t much reason for me to stick around in New York after my dad kicked me out. Just seemed like the easiest option, but then I met America and she gave me a real reason stay that wasn’t just an art school degree that I could barely afford.’</p>
<p>‘Never let her out of your grasp,’ he said almost automatically.</p>
<p>‘Funny, that’s what Bucky said.’</p>
<p>‘Hmm?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, he was-’ Kate stopped suddenly as the music shifted. ‘Oh, I love this song.’ She stumbled away and back onto the dance floor leaving Clint alone suddenly. The bar man handed over a tray of drinks and Clint left a smattering of notes on the bar top. At the table Sharon is sitting watching Kate and America with happy eyes while Nat took photos of them on her phone. Clint dishes out the drinks.</p>
<p>‘You two are like proud parents.’ Clint finally sits down and takes a long sip of his beer.</p>
<p>‘They are so cute, Clint.’ Sharon sighs turning back to the table. ‘Do you think I could just adopt them?’</p>
<p>‘Two fully grown married women?’ Clint asks. Sharon nods like it isn’t the stupidest thing she has ever said.</p>
<p>‘We can adopt them,’ Nat mumbled, turning back to the table and taking a sip from her wine.</p>
<p>‘No, she has an excuse Nat she’s got baby brain, you’re just being ridiculous.’ Clint didn’t think it was real when Steve had first brought up ‘baby brain’, but then Clint found a bunch of files in their freezer and when he asked Steve about it he just shrugged like it wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen that day. Sharon seemed completely oblivious to the stupid and sometimes hurtful things she was doing and saying. It came on in phases and sometimes she’d go days without a moment of absolute insanity.</p>
<p>‘This is not baby brain. This is just broodiness,’ Sharon admitted. Steve came along in a swift moment leaving a small kiss on the top of Sharon’s head as he passed. ‘He’s having a bit of trouble with the broken home situation.’ Clint sighed. Steve moved back over the room to hand Bucky and Sam a drink. Bucky hadn’t so much as glanced at him all day so much so that Clint wasn’t even sure if he knew he was here. ‘Clint.’ He glanced away from Bucky and back to Sharon. ‘You know he’s hurting too right?’</p>
<p>‘I don’t wanna talk about it Sharon,’ Clint leant back in the chair and tried to look everywhere but Bucky.</p>
<p>‘You never even told us what happened and Bucky’s basically stopped talking about you all together. Anytime we bring you up he just shuts off.’ Clint laughs a little at that. At the thought of Bucky hurting after what he did.</p>
<p>‘Listen, the offer of Chinese food and Homeward Bound of repeat is still on the table,’ Nat spoke softly trying to meet Clint’s eyes. But, Clint was staring out of the window, mesmerised by the snow that bumped against the glass and melted into rain drops. Thinking about maybe going back to Iowa for Christmas; where there was real snow that plummeted down from forever grey skies. To stay with Barney and his wife, be Uncle Clint for a moment, forget about his lonely apartment and his friends who were building lives without him. It was a nice thought that was soothed by the snow flakes cascading out from the darkness of a Brooklyn night sky.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>‘My mom’s are staying in New York to look after Lucky while we are away,’ America said, as Kate sat down on her lap and leaned over to steal some of Clint’s cake. America looked around her new wife to continue talking to Sharon.</p>
<p>‘Have they been to New York before?’ Sharon asked.</p>
<p>‘No, they’ve never been able to afford to come, but they had to come to the wedding so they are having an extended trip.’ Kate handed her a glass of cheap champagne and she gulped it down in two swigs.</p>
<p>‘Well if they want a tour round the city or want to know some of the good places to eat tell them to holler to Clint. We’ll take them out,’ Nat said, nudging America who nodded.</p>
<p>‘Thanks again for the lake house, Sharon,’ America glanced back to her. Kate nodded while she licked some stray icing off of her lips.</p>
<p>‘I can’t believe it actually freezes completely over this time of year. I packed my old skates so we can go out,’ Kate adds. Clint’s entire body aches at the mention of the lake. Sharon’s family have owned the lake house upstate for years and she offered it to the girls for their honeymoon knowing they would never have let anyone pay for them to go away.</p>
<p>‘Kate’s been going mad researching the place, she wants to us to go skiing,’ America quip’s letting Kate feed her a forkful of spongecake. ‘Steve is an artist,’ she mumbles before Kate kisses her softly.</p>
<p>‘You can take the girl out of the Upper East Side, but you can’t take the Upper East Side out of the girl,’ Kate quips back. ‘I didn’t spend the first 18 Christmases of my life in Switzerland for me to never ski again in my life.’ Clint thinks about it while they talk. The lake house, old and creaky, with the fire pit outside which grew so familiar and the sun that sparkled off of the warm water in the July.</p>
<p>‘You can use our ski’s we keep them in the outhouse,’ Sharon offers which makes Kate clap excitedly.</p>
<p>‘Rich white girls are a different breed,’ America laughs and Nat nods. Clint can feel the warmth on his skin as he imagines lying out on the doc again. Bucky, Sam and Nat swimming laps back and forth and the smell of the barbecue as Steve cooks all day long. Sharon laying beside him a book in hand long forgotten as she watches the sun glimmer over the mountains.</p>
<p>Clint thinks about the surprising warmth of the water in the early mornings, wandering through the forest for hours never once looking back and late nights watching the stars that the lights of New York City had spent years hiding from him. He thinks of Bucky laying out on the grass talking to Sam in the middle of the night and then joining Clint in bed, his skin cold and body tired, and kissing him until he was snug once again. He thinks about all those stolen moments alone in the warmth of the summer sun and he thinks, for a second, that maybe he’ll never feel that warmth again.</p>
<p>Sam comes to sit with the group as America is telling them a story about her mom’s being disappointed by Times Square. She has them all laughing when Sam’s phone interrupts the moment. Everyone looks around to him as he holds it in his hand.</p>
<p>‘I don’t recognise the number,’ his voice is small and nervous, but he’s smiling. Nat leans over the table almost like she wants to take the call herself.</p>
<p>‘Sam, answer it.’ He does.</p>
<p>‘Hello?’ He all but shouts over the loud party. ‘Yes? Okay. I understand. Thank you.’ He puts the phone down and shakes his head. ‘It was just my two o’clock for tomorrow cancelling.’ The entire group sigh at once, leaning back into the chairs they didn’t even realise they were on the edge of. ‘It’s way too late now,’ he mumbled slipping the phone back into his pocket.</p>
<p>‘Sam they said it could be as late as 9pm before they phone,’ Nat cooed. Sam nods, but it’s obvious he’s already accepted his fate.</p>
<p>Clint found himself in the mens bathroom, later on in the evening, feeling the alcohol swirl around him. A warm, but uncomfortable, feeling pressing against his cheeks in red blooms. This was not the plan. The plan was to get a little tipsy, enough to not care about Bucky Barnes and his stupid face, and then make it through the evening. Clint stares himself down as the party trickles in underneath the door. He needed to sober up before he did something he regretted. Like punch Bucky or kiss Bucky. It was definitely feeling like a strong race between the two options. He inhaled sharply and then exhaled slowly. The smell of that last shot lingering in the air reminding him of his stupid decisions. Suddenly the bathroom door opened, the sound of the party next door suddenly getting loud and then going back to a quiet drone in a second, and Clint looked down at the sink not exactly ready for human interaction. He waited until he heard one of the stalls shutter, but the sound never came. He glanced up.</p>
<p>‘Clint.’ Bucky was wearing the same suit he wore to Starks wedding, Clint only really noticed now he was standing close, and his voice was so soft it was if he wasn’t really there. When Clint finally met his eyes through the mirror and Bucky’s face betrayed him with a small smile that flickered unevenly. He wasn’t shocked or surprised so he knew Clint was at the wedding; he had seen him four tables away and he hadn’t cared. He sighed too scared to turn around because the thought of the mirror between them comforted him. Bucky’s mouth wobbled open and close like he wanted to say something, but it wouldn’t come out. Clint’s very drunk brain remembered suddenly the supply closet at the end of the hall and he made a run for it.</p>
<p>Bucky is suddenly following Clint. He’s trying to be discreet about it, which Clint admires, but he’s definitely following him. Doors to function rooms pass in a blur until Clint comes to the supply closet he had seen when he first arrived. He slammed the door behind him and fiddled for a lock; there wasn’t one. He sighed moving back from the door hoping that Bucky hadn’t seen him slip into the closet or had the common decency to leave Clint alone for good. He didn’t. Bucky stumbled in and slammed the door shut behind him. It was dark and silent.</p>
<p>‘Guys,’ a voice that wasn’t Clint or Bucky’s appeared from behind them.</p>
<p>‘Sam?’ Clint whispered. ‘What are you doing in here?’</p>
<p>‘I was taking a phone call,’ Sam was leaning against the back wall of the closet his phone illuminating his face. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’</p>
<p>‘I was hiding.’ Clint said with a hint of anger in his voice. Sam glances to Bucky who just looks away. ‘A phone call or the phone call?’ Clint asks, suddenly not caring about his ex-boyfriend turned stalker hovering behind him.</p>
<p>‘The phone call,’ Sam says smiling. ‘I got the job.’ Clint lunges forward hugging Sam tightly.</p>
<p>‘Professor Sam Wilson!’ Clint cries out letting Sam melt into his hug. When he finally pulls away he can feel Bucky a little closer than before.</p>
<p>‘Well done, bud,’ he smiles over at Sam who smiles back. It’s then suddenly very silent as Sam’s eyes dart between Bucky and Clint.</p>
<p>‘Well this is very awkward,’ Sam huffs pushing himself off the wall and shuffling past the two. ‘I’ll just see you guys out there-’ he cut himself off as he tried the door. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’</p>
<p>‘What?’ Clint said trying to see around him. Sam turned showing the two of them the broken handle that had fallen apart in his hands. ‘You couldn’t just leave me alone!’ Clint turns to Bucky looking at him properly for the first time in months. His hair was longer and his eyes were tired and there was still this blanket of sadness draped across him. ‘I don’t want to talk to you…I don’t want to fucking look at you.’ Clint spat and then turned away knowing he looked like a child. He could hear Bucky sigh softly behind him. ‘You follow me into this damn closet and now I’m stuck here,’ he says mostly too himself.</p>
<p>‘I just needed to talk to you, properly,’ Bucky’s voice was soft and gentle like always. He sounded sad, which made Clint’s hands shake. Clint noticed Sam squirm a little against the door.</p>
<p>‘Text Steve,’ Clint says ignoring Bucky completely. ‘He’ll know what to do.’ Sam nods looking grateful. With his back still to Bucky, Clint moves further along the closet hoping to put Sam in-between them. Steve was there in a moment and had the door open a second later. Clint didn’t even thank him as he made his way out of the venue and onto the cold, snow-lined streets of Brooklyn. He stood there, for a second, at the bottom of the steps taking in the icy air and uncomfortable sting of his eyes.</p>
<p>The cold made his skin ache for the summer. Not just summer, but the last one in particular. Months that painted themselves a pretty yellow onto blue and a strawberry red onto steel. Months that, without the disappearance of sunshine, seemed like the beginning of forever. Months that he longed for deeper than his lost love or the shattered glass of a heart he had embedded into an old brownstone apartment floor.</p>
<p>He will catch snowflakes in his palm the same way he caught fireflies on the lake. He will stare out windows and think about how paint washes away in the rain. He will wrap his body in layer upon layer with scarfs he never owned and remember laying out on the roof completely naked; just because he could.</p>
<p>Everything in this unforgiving winter will remind him of summer and not just summer, but the last one in particular. It will devote moments of complete loneliness to the feeling of loving arms around his waist. It will make him remember what it was like before he lost his love. But, he didn’t need the cold to do that. Bucky would do it for him.</p>
<p>‘Clint?’ Bucky whispered against the snow. Clint just started laughing. Walking up the street without a jacket or a phone laughing like a maniac and trying really hard not to burst into tears. ‘Clint stop!’ Bucky pulled him around and Clint let him.</p>
<p>‘What do you wanna talk about Bucky?’ He didn’t say a thing just diverted his eyes away as if looking at Clint hurt him. ‘Oh!’ Clint threw his hands in the air. ‘Don’t chase me down and then ignore me.’ Bucky closed his eyes for a moment and then looked directly at him. His sad eyes made Clint want to scream.</p>
<p>‘I want to explain.’ His voice was even and quiet.</p>
<p>‘Explain what?’ The snow was heavy now falling around them in quick and everlasting flurries as if they were inside a snow globe. ‘You don’t wanna be with me anymore, Bucky that is very clear.’</p>
<p>‘Can we go inside? I just wanna talk to you.’ He held out a hand as if to touch Clint but then retreated stuffing both of them into his pockets.</p>
<p>‘Say what you have to say.’ Bucky sighed moving a little closer blocking Clint from the harsh and icy wind. He can smell him in that moment and Clint is suddenly hit with a memory.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bucky standing in the middle of the apartment, a sadness draped across his shoulders like an expensive scarf made from dread. And Clint? His whole body is aching, his chest feels hollow and his throat heavy, and his hands are shaking as he asks the question.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Did you find what you were looking for?’ Bucky blinked a few times letting his eyes fall from Clint to his shoes in a moment. ‘That’s what you said the night we met that you were looking for something that’s why you were off adventuring for ten fucking years.’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Clint.’ Bucky warned with a confidence he didn’t deserve.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘You found it yet?’ Clint wasn’t sad anymore. He had already come home to Bucky packing up his things, he had already cried as Bucky told him he needed to leave, he had already begged for him to stay. Now, hours after he had walked through the door, he was just fed up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘No.’ It took Bucky a second to say it, not because he was thinking about but, because he didn’t know if he should tell him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘I thought so.’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Clint.’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Just go.’ Clint turned away slightly leaving some room for Bucky to walk past him and out the door. Clint looked down at his kitchen floor scuffed and aged and felt once again like he was going to cry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘I’m sorry.’ It’s soft and meaningful, but it doesn’t help.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘No, I’m sorry,’ he looks up at him and offers what’s left of his smile. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t what you were looking for.’</em>
</p>
<p>Clint was suddenly back inside that little snow globe and Bucky a black figure in his white cave. He couldn’t see the sky or the buildings around them. Nothing, but Bucky. ‘I felt like I was holding you back.’ Clint admitted not knowing if he was talking to the Bucky in front of him or the Bucky in his memory.</p>
<p>‘You weren’t.’ Clint could see Bucky’s fingers twitching from within his pocket. ‘You were giving me something worth holding onto and I never thought I’d find that in another person. Not my family, not even Steve. I thought I was never gonna find anyone who thought I was worth it.’ Clint rolled his eyes at that.</p>
<p>‘You had to leave to realise it was right?’ Clint cocked his head hoping that his voice was as angry as he intended it to be.</p>
<p>‘What?’</p>
<p>‘That’s what you said about Brooklyn that you had to abandon it to know it was where you wanted to be.’ Bucky looked shocked, which made Clint want to run away far into the snow and melt into the pavement when the sun rose the next morning</p>
<p>‘No.’ Bucky took a step closer.</p>
<p>‘You had to abandon me as well?’ Tears were forming in the corner of his eyes and even as he begged them to retreat they began to tumble down his cold cheeks.</p>
<p>‘Brooklyn wasn’t the reason I came back. All those things I felt the night of Steve’s wedding? It was all because of you. You made me feel different. And then I came back because I thought New York was were I was meant to be and you were there at Rhodey’s wedding and it felt so right. Hiding away in that bathroom like there was nowhere else we’d rather be; because there wasn’t.’</p>
<p>‘But you said-’</p>
<p>‘I know,’ he interrupted before Clint could even say it aloud, but Clint wanted him to hear it.</p>
<p>‘You said that I wasn’t what you were looking for.’ He hopes for a moment that it hurts Bucky as much as it hurt him when he first said it to Clint all those weeks ago.</p>
<p>‘Because you weren’t. I didn’t find what I was looking for because I was never looking for you. You just came around and you loved me and I couldn’t take it’</p>
<p>‘It doesn’t make any sense,’ he near screamed out into the cold and harsh snow that was twirling around them.</p>
<p>‘I ruined the one the good thing in my life, because I was scared. And it took me a month, of sleeping on my ma’s couch trying to forget about you, for me to realise what I’d so easily thrown away,’ Bucky finally admits. ‘I should never have walked out on you like that and I’m still not sure why I did it. I was just so scared.’</p>
<p>‘What were you scared of?’ Clint was whispering now.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know,’ Bucky whispered back.</p>
<p>‘Bucky.’</p>
<p>‘Clint. I love you.’ Clint feels the words land on his chest and they make him want to fall onto the dirty Brooklyn pavement. They make him want to cry and scream. They make him want to punch Bucky for lying to him like this.</p>
<p>‘Then why did you leave?’ He finally says.</p>
<p>‘Because I’m a fucking idiot and I know I don’t deserve a second chance and that’s not why I’m saying any of this it’s just,’ he pauses moving a little closer as if to look at Clint for one last time, ‘I saw you tonight and I just needed to you to know that none of this was your fault. I need you to know that I love you and I know you don’t love me anymore. Maybe I’m saying all this because I’m selfish or just plain guilty, but-’</p>
<p>‘Buck.’ Bucky stopped his frantic rambling and looked up at Clint. His cheek were spotted with fresh tears and Clint knew, in that very second, that he would risk getting his heart broken over and over again for Bucky. That he would feel this pain a hundred times over just to hear him say those words. Clint speaks, but the words are drowned out by the noise of cars, the wind and the party happening just above them; as if the words were only meant for Bucky and nobody else. Bucky’s mouth drops open, his lips near blue and wet from a mix of tear drops and melting snowflakes. The snow was clearing around them, only slightly, revealing the tops of the streetlights like little make-believe stars. The two dark figures stood on a pavement that rose slowly around them with layer after layer of fresh untouched snow. The painted scene would wash away if it wasn’t as real as the people inside it. The wind howled a song as the two moved ever closer, but remained as still as the night inside their own little snow globe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>once again I've not got a beta this is a mess. I present the nicest form of angst.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 'Is it cool? That I said all that?'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clint was sitting at a bar he knew well even if it was from only a brief encounter, what felt like, a million years ago. It was still a light wood with intricate grains and it still served him peach and champagne concoctions which enchanted his tongue in a bittersweet nostalgia. There was music and laughter playing like white noise directly behind him as he signalled to the bartender for another round. A woman, small and slight, who was perched on the seat to his left and sipping on champagne turned to face the party. </p><p>‘Bride or Groom?’ She asked, leaning over towards Clint to grab his attention. Clint lifted his head to address the woman. </p><p>‘Bride,’ he said sweetly. ‘She’s my niece.’ The woman touched the top of her chest and awed brightly. </p><p>‘Isn’t she just beautiful?’ Clint nodded taking a look back and blushing bride twirling around the little dance floor like a ballerina; a slightly drunk ballerina. He turned back to see his new round settled in front of him. The woman leaned over a little more trying to grab Clint’s attention once again. It takes all his strength not to roll his eyes at her. ‘You look a little young to be Colleen’s uncle,’ she giggled. ‘Are you here with your wife?’ </p><p>‘Husband,’ Clint says quickly trying to get the woman to back off. But, she just smiles even brighter. </p><p>‘What’s you husbands name?’ </p><p>‘Hank,’ Clint says quickly searching the room for someone to save him; literally anyone. The he sees him darting across in between the tables with his head down. ‘That’s him there actually!’ He stood quickly abandoning his drinks and the woman who sent him off with a wave. Once he got up to the figure he gripped onto his arm for dear life. </p><p>‘You aren’t getting into any trouble are you?’ Clint shook his head. </p><p>‘No, just drinking and keeping my mouth shut,’ he quips. </p><p>‘Clint!’</p><p>‘Bucky!’ Clint mimics. </p><p>‘What did you do?’ He warns. </p><p>‘I may have told a lady at the bar that I was the bride’s uncle and that you were my husband; Hank,’ he beams up at him. ‘Hi Hank.’ </p><p>‘What did I say, Clint.’ Bucky mumbles weaving them through the crowd and up to the patio doors that led out into the garden space where there was, thankfully, a second bar. ‘All you had to do was keep your mouth shut until I got back from the bathroom.’</p><p>‘You’re the one who brought me to a wedding neither of us were invited too,’ Clint snarks as he is forced onto a bar stool and spun away from the crowd of party goers. </p><p>‘Okay, but uncle to the bride? That’s way too specific. Why couldn’t you have said old college pal.’ Bucky signals over the barman and orders them fresh drinks. ‘You’re lucky it’s a free bar.’ </p><p>‘What if she didn’t go to college?’ Clint bites back playfully. </p><p>‘Then school friend!’ Bucky finally turns to him smiling stupidly. ‘Uncle is too close, Clint. They are gonna kick us out.’ </p><p>‘Then next time take me to a god damn restaurant like a proper boyfriend,’ he chuckled. </p><p>‘I’m sorry that I wanted to do something special for our anniversary, Clint.’ Bucky actually sounded hurt that time so Clint rolled his eyes and lay his head on his shoulder. </p><p>‘I’m having a good time,’ Clint sang. ‘But, honestly Buck was the drive out to New Jersey really worth the free bar?’ Bucky either didn’t hear that comment or chose to ignore it as he turned to watch the strangers mingle underneath the afternoon sun. It was nice to be back in the place they first met. It was different in the summertime. When they were last here on a cold January day it was a tiny little glass structure, a lantern lighting up the evening sky and hiding everyone from the icy wind and the clouds that threatened to open up all day long, but never did. Now, it was a bright and beautiful beacon of light that seemed bigger only because the party was allowed to drift into the gardens to mingle and drink. </p><p>‘It seems strange that all that was two years ago,’ Bucky says as if he was thinking the exact same thing Clint was. Clint looked up to him and smiled. ‘Sharon and Stevie getting married, me moving back to Brooklyn. It all seems like it happened yesterday.’ Clint nodded. ‘And now? Nat and Sam are married and Stevie has a little kid and Sharon’s basically running the post,’ he sighs deeply. </p><p>‘And you’re my fancy toy boy, who lives up in my high end Brooklyn apartment and doesn’t want for a single thing,’ Clint teases. </p><p>‘I’m your boyfriend, who is 3 months younger than you, who pays rent to live in the shitty Brooklyn brownstone that you own and who busts tables at his best friend’s bakery because no one will pay him actual money to take photos,’ he corrects taking a sip from his whiskey. </p><p>‘Yeah, well, you’re still cheap,’ he mutters back. ‘And I already told you Tony freaking Stark offered you a job on his team running his social media pages and you are too much an idiot to accept the fucking job.’ </p><p>‘I am not working for Tony okay, especially since you can’t not use his full name.’ </p><p>‘I’ll stop calling Tony Stark Tony Stark if you accept the job.’ </p><p>‘What will you call him once I work for him?’</p><p>‘Tony,’ Clint says. ‘Stark,’ he adds a moment after. </p><p>‘You’re the reason I drink,’ Bucky mumbles. </p><p>‘What was that? I’m deaf remember!’ Clint near yells making him giggle. Bucky pushes Clint a little too hard causing Clint to fall off the stool and onto the ground. </p><p>‘Shit,’ he jumps off his own stool to help Clint up, but Clint pulls him down with him. They both end up lying on the ground laughing a little too hard. ‘So much for blending in,’ Bucky chuckles. Nobody is really paying them much attention as they offer them a moments glance and friendly smile before going back to their celebrating. </p><p>‘I don’t blend in baby,’ Clint quips tapping Bucky on the nose. When they finally get back up off the floor Bucky grabs their drinks so they can walk around the gardens they had barely explored back when the first visited the little hotel. They walk arm in arm around the little paths that intertwine across the woodland where guests laughed loudly and danced to the ever distant music. </p><p>‘I am sorry about all this,’ Bucky whispers letting his head rest on Clint’s shoulder; fitting perfectly. ‘I really should have phoned ahead to make sure the place hadn’t been booked out for the entire weekend I was planning on bringing you.’ Clint chuckles, as they walk among the trees. </p><p>‘I’m having a good time,’ Clint emphasises. </p><p>‘Well, I couldn’t afford a night in The Plaza so this was second best,’ Bucky gazes around at the pink petals falling from the late blooming cherry blossoms. Clint would rather be here, he thinks. The Plaza may have been where he and Bucky began their relationship, but this little hotel with a fairytale like greenhouse was where the story really began. He offers his glass to Bucky to cheers before sipping down the last drop and abandoning their empty glasses on a bench. They slowly walk around the small, but enthralling, gardens when they finally find a spot void of guests. The two stand hand in hand watching the tall emerald trees sway in the light and dancing breeze. The ground covered in fallen blossom like a bed of pink and white against the old cobblestone path. A soft pop song plays from the greenhouse and by the time it reaches the two at the edge of the gardens it’s all but a whistle in the wind, but it’s recognisable still and makes Bucky spin Clint around to face him. </p><p>‘Dancing, really Buck?’ Clint groans. Bucky holds him close as their feet glide over the pink petals. </p><p>‘We never dance!’ Bucky says brightly, their moves are clumsy but still in-sync.</p><p>‘We dance all the time,’ Clint cries. Whether it’s late into the night and the only light is from the street outside. It glimmers into the apartment lighting up a path for them to dance to Clint’s old record’s from when he was a kid. Stupid dancing. Dancing on either sides of the sofa, lip syncing to old songs from a time forgotten. Hands in the air waving like their front row at an old concert for a band that no longer exists. Or dancing in the morning to the radio when Bucky is cooking breakfast; Clint stealing the spatula away from him mid pancake flip and singing badly into it like a mic. Clint’s one man performance of the top 40 while Bucky sways around the kitchen laughing. Or when life holds still and they move all the furniture out of the way. Dancing, usually, to something soft and happy. Spinning around, like they are now, and talking about nothing in particular. Dancing that is just a distraction from the long and dark afternoons. </p><p>When they finally make it back to outdoor bar it’s busy and loud. The two are able to find a spot to sit for a moment and watch the strangers, they were pretending to know, sing joyfully along to the music. And then, out of nowhere, the clouds open up above them and a summer shower envelops the party. The kind of rain that would make an old lady sigh and say ‘well, we needed it’. Clint and Bucky were soaked before they could get back inside the greenhouse and their clothes were sticking to them uncomfortably. Bucky had opted for the sensible outfit, a peach coloured shirt with black slacks, while Clint, always unable to dress for the weather, was wearing a deep bottle green coloured wool turtle neck with black high waisted jeans. </p><p>The raindrops were colliding with the glass in a dramatic and enthralling way, pattering loudly above the party as if to seek attention from the strangers. Bucky and Clint had settled in the corner near the doors that led to the gardens, that were now closed, to sit and talk. One of Bucky’s leg was swung over Clint’s as he chose to look out into the rainstorm rather than people watch like Clint. The blondes attention was firmly on the strangers that lived a life he was desperate to read from their interactions like pages in a book. </p><p>‘Hank, darling?’ Clint cried letting his head fall back and into Bucky’s line of sight. Bucky glanced up to him. </p><p>‘Yes, sweetie pie?’ Bucky replied in a fake grandiose. Clint’s guise slipped from his face in a second. </p><p>‘What are you thinking right now?’</p><p>‘That I love the rain,’ he answered simply. ‘What about you?’</p><p>‘I’m thinking about cake,’ Clint laughed. </p><p>‘Cake?’ Clint nodded and then looked over to the centre of the room where the bride and groom were cutting the cake and handing out pieces to the guests on little porcelain plates. ‘You want some cake?’ Clint nodded excitedly. ‘And how are we going to do that?’</p><p>‘We can steal it,’ Clint whispers. And so they did. Once everyone had settled, some were sitting eating cake and some had abandoned their piece in favour of dancing or drinking, Bucky moved around the room slowly as Clint watched him from their seats. He found a piece that had been laid out on an empty table untouched and unwatched. He picked it up quickly, but without fuss and walked back along the hall towards his boyfriend. Clint made grabby hands as Bucky got closer. He took the fork and stabbed at the cake catching the sponge and icing in a forkful and taking a bite. He did the same for Bucky and fed him some of the stolen cake. </p><p>‘It’s okay,’ Bucky mumbled after swallowing. </p><p>‘I think Steve ruined out taste buds for any other cake,’ Clint sighed, all but throwing the cake onto the table next to them. ‘I’m thirsty,’ he demanded. </p><p>‘I can’t stand you,’ Bucky grumbled standing up again. ‘You’re coming with!’ He pulled Clint up and back across the hall to the bar. ‘House whiskey and…’ </p><p>‘Bellini please!’ Clint smirked.</p><p>‘Hello!’ It was the woman from earlier waving happily over to them and she walked closer. </p><p>‘Hi,’ Clint smiled politely. The woman came in-between Bucky and Clint to lean over the bar and order a drink. Bucky gave Clint a wide eyes look before shifting out of the way. </p><p>‘I’m Lindy, by the way, Lindy Lee,’ she said before downing an entire glass of white. ‘Hank right?’ She smiled up at Bucky and he nodded. </p><p>‘You’ve met Keith?’ Bucky says, which causes Clint’s face to crumble in devastation. </p><p>‘Keith?’ Clint whispers. </p><p>‘Hmm?’ Lindy says wanting Clint to speak up a little. </p><p>‘Beautiful wedding, isn’t it?’ Lindy nods signalling to the bartender to get her another drink. Clint looks at Bucky darkly. He was most definitely going to get Bucky back for ‘Keith’. </p><p>***</p><p>Lindy finally left the two alone after ten minutes of her gulping down wine and asking irritating questions. She was still sitting next to them, but was extremely invested in her phone as she typed quickly and laughed to herself awkwardly. They had only been at the wedding for about 2 hours when they found themselves rained in and stuck at the only bar in the hotel. Bucky was nursing a glass of whiskey when a song got his attention. He gasped turning to Clint. </p><p>‘No,’ Clint groaned, recognising it a moment later. Taylor fucking Swift. If Clint was second best to anyone in Bucky’s eyes it was the princess of pop herself. And it was his fault; he enabled it. </p><p>‘You owe me a dance!’ Bucky pleaded gripping onto Clint’s hands a little too tightly. ‘You should have let me dance with you earlier!’ </p><p>‘I did dance with you earlier,’ Clint turned his face away from Bucky’s trying hard not to be manipulated by his adorable face. Bucky tipped the stool forward slightly shuffling into Clint’s eye line. Clint huffed pushing his head right around to the point it was a strain on his neck. </p><p>‘You humoured me for ten seconds,’ Bucky complained. </p><p>‘What happened to blending in?’ Clint cringed, turning his head back to Bucky and being met with big eyes and a pouting frown. That look would be the death of Clint; he would drown in that look. </p><p>‘I think by not dancing we are drawing attention to ourselves.’ Clint sighed even deeper trying to look away from Bucky again, but his eyes were wide and annoying and Clint loved him so he gave in. Without speaking Bucky new Clint had surrendered and he jumped up off the stool and pulled him out into the busy dance floor while Taylor Swift sang them out. Bucky laughed at Clint’s fake grumpy face and kissed his nose as the music started to pick up and Bucky sang to him about the colour blue. Clint remembers, almost subconsciously, the last time they danced to this song surrounded by bright lights and people singing along a little louder than Bucky who was singing every word at him and nobody else. ‘Cause I like you,’ Bucky sang sweetly into his head, Clint rolled his eyes letting Bucky pull his arms around like they were children dancing in big and indelicate moments. Bucky pushed him away and then pulled him in quickly mouthing along to the long memorised words. Suddenly, in the midst of a day dream, Clint collided with someone else on the dance floor.</p><p>‘Who the fuck are you?’ Two men stood over Clint. One, the taller of the two, was obviously drunk and had a drink splashed down his tux. The other was looking at Clint in the most peculiar way which made him take a step back.</p><p>‘I’m Keith…Uncle to the bride,’ he answers. He can hear Bucky sigh behind him. </p><p>‘No you’re not.’ The crowd started to turn towards the three in the centre of the dance floor. Clint steps in front of Bucky hoping to keep him out of whatever these two idiots wanted. </p><p>‘How the hell would you know?’ Clint says jabbing the smaller man’s chest. </p><p>‘Because my wife doesn’t have any uncles.’ Clint pouts pulling his finger back and twirling it around slightly like he was trying to think of a repose. </p><p>‘Well…that was something I did not plan for when I lied to Linda,’ he says matter of factly. </p><p>‘Lindy,’ the woman corrects from the corner of the dance floor. </p><p>‘Not now Linda!’ Clint shouts. </p><p>‘Outside, now, Blondie!’ The taller one points to the patio doors at the end of the room that led out into the gardens. Clint nod’s a little and simultaneously stops Bucky from following him. He shoots hims a look telling him to stay put as he follows the two large burly men out onto the rain drenched patio. Clint cringes only just getting dry from the last downpour he was caught in. The taller of the men turned quickly looking Clint up and down slowly. Clint wanted so desperately to make a joke. </p><p>‘So, you’ve probably noticed I’m not the brides uncle,’ Clint states, humour laced in his voice. The man laughs, which at first seems like a good sign, but then Clint sees him clenching his fists. </p><p>‘Danny?’</p><p>‘What?’ Clint takes a step back. </p><p>‘It’s actually you?’ The smaller man says his eyes filling with rage in a second. ‘I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but it’s actually you. You’ve got some nerve!’ </p><p>‘No!’ Clint throws his hands up in the air. </p><p>‘Danny?’ The taller one asks. </p><p>‘Colleen’s ex!’ The smaller man suddenly lands a punch on the side of Clint’s jaw. ‘I’ll kill him,’ he raged. </p><p>‘Fucksake dude!’ Clint calls out in pain falling backwards. The taller man is on him now smashing his fist into Clint’s nose. Clint hears something crunch as his hands go to cup his face and waiting for the blood that thankfully doesn’t come. ‘I’m not fucking Danny!’ Clint screams through the rain and Taylor Swift who was still singing loudly through the patio doors. The two men step back at the sight of blood dripping from Clint’s lip. Clint tips his head back and exhales trying not to cry at the pain. Suddenly the smaller of the two hands Clint his pocket square and he accepts it gratefully. </p><p>‘If you aren’t Danny then who the hell are you?’ He’s a little calmer now, but his hands are shaking. Clint pinches his nose with the hanky so he can brings his head back down. </p><p>‘I’m Clint,’ he groaned. </p><p>‘Who?’</p><p>‘I’m with my boyfriend, it’s out anniversary and I promise you we weren’t trying to cause trouble we were just trying to…and I was going to…’ He sighed pulling the pocket square away from his nose grimacing. It was starting to bleed now, but only a little which was a relief. ‘I was going to propose tonight and I…’ Clint trails off not really knowing where he was going with his explanation. </p><p>‘You’re going to propose?’ Clint blinks a couple of times as he retrieves the little box that’s been sitting in his pocket all day. He shakes it a little offering a pained smile and the man looks down at the bleeding man in grimace. </p><p>‘It’s fine…’ Clint’s eye sight starts to go fuzzy to leans against a pillar and takes a moment. ‘I’ll be out of your hair in a moment, I just need to work out if this blurriness is permanent,’ he’s joking, but the two men’s face are pained with concern. Clint blinks a couple of more times and then decides to keep his eyes closed indefinitely. ‘I can rock being blind and deaf,’ he reassures himself. Suddenly Colleen and Bucky come running out the patio doors in a flurry of white and pink. Clint slips the box back into his pocket quickly as Bucky glances at him from the other side of the patio. He tries to smile over at him through the rain, but the moment is interrupted by Colleen. </p><p>‘Scott,’ the bride pushes at her new husband, her dress trailing across the wet ground. ‘What the hell are you doing!?’ She grabs a hold of his wrists as if to stop him doing anymore damage to Clint’s face; which he is thankful for. ‘He’s bleeding!</p><p>‘I thought he was Danny,’ the man tried to explain, but the bride screwed up her face and laughed at him.</p><p>‘What?’ She throws her hands in the air.</p><p>‘He looked like Danny and I thought he was trying to…I don’t know, I just saw red!’ </p><p>‘He look’s nothing like…’ she hesitates as she takes Clint in. Clint waves over at her and she hums. ‘Wow, he does look like Danny,’ she says mostly to herself. Clint shakes his head and turns to Bucky.</p><p>‘I see you made friends with the bride,’ Clint mumbles meeting Bucky in the middle of the rain drenched patio. Bucky’s hand goes straight to Clint’s face to touch his busted lip.</p><p>‘I see you made friends with the groom,’ his eyes are bright with a concerned amusement. Clint lets out a little laugh as he reaches his hand up to cup Bucky’s guiding it away from his face and holding it tightly. ‘You’re soaking,’ he added before Clint could answer. The doors slide close behind them, but they don’t take any notice. They are suddenly alone out in the rain in the exact place they met all those years ago. </p><p>‘Ah, he was nice about it once I explained,’ Clint joked.</p><p>‘Explained what?’ Bucky asks. Clint sighs trying to find the words. The rain was falling hard against the two; summer showers that were trying so desperately to take the colour out of their cheeks and their hearts. Clint thinks about all the time he imagined spending forever with someone. He thought about the fear that eternity used to fill him with. He thinks how now forever doesn’t feel like long enough. Clint shakes himself a little exhaling as he leans down on one knee. ‘I had a speech planned, but if I’m honest I’m really drunk and I think my nose is broken, so please excuse my brevity….’ Bucky suddenly starts to laugh. Big stomach turning laughter that made Clint feel like he was being left out of a really good joke. He looked down at the unopened box in his other hand as he felt his heart plummet.</p><p>‘No, no you don’t understand Clint!’ Bucky stops. He gets down on his knees as well, his trousers soaked in the puddle of water as he does, and grips onto Clint’s hand. ‘Clint,’ he looks up. Bucky’s hair is wet, falling and sticking to his pink cheeks. His nose glistening as little rain droplets collect at the tip and tumble onto his lips. ‘I was gonna,’ he mutters breathlessly. Clint looks down as Bucky reaches into his trouser pocket and reveals a little box. He looks up and meets those grey-blue eyes he had fallen in love with in this very spot two years ago when Bucky handed him a polaroid that sat framed somewhere in Sharon and Steve’s townhouse. The rain was falling hard and fast around them and Clint could feel the rain water slipping down his cheeks tickling his skin. He was breathless and laughing now; suddenly in on the joke. ‘I was gonna,’ Bucky repeats through broken laughter. </p><p>‘We are so stupid,’ Clint giggles handing him his box as Bucky passes him his. Clint throws his head back overcome with laughter and Bucky reaches a hand up to cup his cheek. He catches a couple of tears, that fell from Clint’s eye and tried to disguise themselves as raindrops, with his thumb. Clint leans forward and looks over at Bucky who pulls him in for a crushing and desperate kiss. Clint pulls back. ‘Fuck, Bucky!’ He calls out as searing hot pain taking over his skin; Bucky cringes reaching out and his soft touch is enough to make the pain of his definitely broken nose dampen. Clint slowly leans forward pressing his forehead to Bucky’s and smiles letting the shower wash away everything but them. It feels like they have been sat there in the rain forever, but Taylor Swift is stilling playing and that makes Clint laugh. </p><p>‘We’re getting married?’ Clint whispers, his eyes wide and glowing like a beacon of light in a storm</p><p>‘We’re getting married,’ Bucky smiles back, letting his eyes close against the brightness of home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really don't like this chapter and it's been the most difficult thing to write everything felt really static and nothing flowed right, but IDC it's kinda been taunting me for the last few days and I need to move on from it. </p><p>Points to whoever can guess which Taylor Swift song inspired this chapter (and story tbh) and then made a wee cameo in the chapter. </p><p>Leave a comment cause I live off validation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. May 2021 - Clint and Bucky's Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clint &amp; Bucky</p>
<p>Something only New Yorkers know is how whole streets can live in shadows. During the day, while intersections shine and glimmer with the lunchtime sun, there are blocks of darkness that never see an inch of sunlight. They say the sun set’s in the west and rises in the east, but for parts of New York City the sun never rises at all. And sometimes it’s simply the change of solstice that can bring glimpses of sunlight to streets plagued with darkness. Like Bed-Stuy. During the winter its brownstones, south-facing and lined like perfect soldiers unmoving and cold, cast shadows over the streets. However, if you were to walk those same streets of that Brooklyn neighbourhood during the summer you would be bathed in a happy golden sunlight for hours. The sun creeps down sidewalks while it rises above the city sometimes only allowing for minutes of sunlight in a day, but it is treasured like beads of gold dripping down the streets and into our hands. The sunless hours can be magical too, during the colder months when the sunlight is hanging above them but skyscraper shadows hinder its travels, as the darkness can conjure black holes next to sunshine reflecting off of glass. Something only New Yorkers know is how important sunshine is and how shadows can haunt cities even by moonlight. </p>
<p>After living in Brooklyn for ten years Clint had grown to know a lot about it. He still doesn’t call himself a New Yorker. When he thinks about it he doesn’t think he’ll ever leave Brooklyn and he definitely will never leave New York; not permanently anyway. But, New Yorker or not, he knew the great beauty of sunlight in the summer months glimmering down onto the streets of Bed-Stuy. </p>
<p>The night was just dying out as Clint was climbing the fire escape up onto the roof. He had been sitting out on the mental structure smoking a cigarette when the darkness of the early morning started to fade and he decided to take a look. He watched the still dark city, near-silent and still, slowly edge along the day just before daylight peeked out from beneath the water. </p>
<p>Clint had been slipping out the apartment every day this week. A tradition when this time of the year creeps up on him. He needs to spend the early mornings on his own with just the thought of the date and the knowledge he’s getting further away from the epicentre. From the anniversary. The word felt weird when he thought about. An anniversary seemed like something you’d celebrate, but instead this one was something that he’d rather forget. His phone ringing breaks him out of his little spell. It’s Bucky.</p>
<p>‘Hello,’ he croaks, speaking for the first time since he woke up. </p>
<p>‘Where are you?’ Bucky’s voice is deep and filled with sleep and it makes Clint smile.</p>
<p>‘I’m on the roof.’ </p>
<p>‘Why?’ He says through a yawn.</p>
<p>‘Because I wanted to see the sun rise. If you come up now you’ll catch it.’</p>
<p>‘Hmm?’ Bucky sighed sleepily. </p>
<p>‘Bring coffee,’ Clint sang before ending the call. Bucky came through the main door on the roof, with two mugs of coffee in his hand and Lucky on his tail, a few minutes later. The three sat in relative silence as the day got warmer.</p>
<p>They gazed out over the city and could see the sun rising up from within the tall buildings and illuminating their’s as it rose higher and higher in the sky. There was a water tower with rusted steel and rotting wood that sat crooked on the building just in front of them that enthralled Clint every time he looked out over the city. It blocked the sun for a few minutes, but then, like a new day all over agin, the sun rose out from beneath graffiti steel and paper peeling off wood to grace the two’s skin once again. Clint took a quick drink of the coffee and hummed softly. </p>
<p>‘What’s the plan for today?’ He asked softly. </p>
<p>‘Sunday’s are the worst.’ Bucky mumbles. ‘Nobody has plans and yet…we have nothing to do.’ </p>
<p>‘We could got to the park? It looks like it’s going to be a warm one?’ Clint suggests. </p>
<p>‘Or maybe we could invite the guys over? Have a cookout?’ Bucky proposes. </p>
<p>‘Maybe we could finally crack time travel?’ </p>
<p>‘We have been meaning to do that,’ Bucky adds. ‘Or we could learn French?’</p>
<p>‘Ah, that will only take the morning. What about if we discovered a new element?’</p>
<p>‘Or start a war with the British?’ Clint nods quickly at that. </p>
<p>‘Or get married,’ he laughs.</p>
<p>‘Okay,’ Bucky says after a moment, smiling over his coffee mug.</p>
<p>‘What?’ Clint looks away from the sun rise and at his fiancé. </p>
<p>‘Let’s get married.’</p>
<p>‘I was kidding,’ Clint laughs in disbelief.</p>
<p>‘I’m not,’ Bucky shrugs. Clint’s mouth falls open like he is about to protest but instead he just nods and then sips down the dregs of the, now cold, coffee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>‘You’re telling me,’ Natasha starts after a moment of unnerving silence. ‘That after two years of me moaning at the two of you to set a god-damn date you spring this on me?’ Sharon and Sam sit on the other side of the island staring down at their coffee mugs like the deep black liquid was whispering all the secrets of the universe to them. Nat sighs again. ‘I cannot believe the two of you…today! TODAY! How the hell are you supposing you organise a wedding in a day?’</p>
<p>‘Well,’ Clint started, but was silenced by Bucky’s soft hand on his shoulder. </p>
<p>‘I don’t want to hear it!’ Nat yelped. ‘You do realise these things take time? You can’t actually get married today!’</p>
<p>‘Well,’ Sharon says softly. Nat turns her head sharply towards the blonde. ‘If I’m right. Can’t you officiate a wedding?’ Nat blinks a few times. ‘You’re a judge, Nat. Can’t you legally officiate a wedding?’ Nat pauses, unmoving and terrifying for a moment as she stares blankly ahead. </p>
<p>‘Yes,’ she says after too long. ‘I can.’ A grins breaks out across Clint’s face as his eyes bulge from his head. ‘But, you don’t have a license,’ she directs at no one in particular. </p>
<p>‘Yes, we do,’ Bucky mumbles. ‘You made us get one the day after my birthday so that we’d set a date.’ Nat had dragged everyone to city hall, still a little drunk from the night before, in a rage forcing the two to get a licence. ‘How long are they valid for?’</p>
<p>’Sixty days,’ Sharon laughs reading from her phone. ‘Sixty days and then it expires.’</p>
<p>‘When is sixty days? Clint yelps suddenly grabbing his phone. He typed wildly for a moment and then stops. ‘Tomorrow. It expires tomorrow.’ Sam, Bucky and Sharon begin to laugh wildly while Nat gently places her head in her hands.</p>
<p>‘Fine,’ she mumbles into her hands. ‘I give in.’ She raises her head and glances around the room at the expectant faces. ‘Let’s organise wedding.’ </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>‘Here?’ Sharon whispers harshly as she closes the door to Clint’s apartment chasing after Nat. Nat stalks across the hall to apartment K and starts knocking loudly. ‘Nat, this doesn’t make any sense.’</p>
<p>‘They are getting married, Sharon. Today.’</p>
<p>‘And how exactly are we going to pull that off?’ Suddenly the door to apartment K falls open with a sleepy-eyed Simone on the other-side. </p>
<p>‘Do you guys have any idea what time it is?’ Simone groaned, rubbing at her eyes. ‘What is it?’</p>
<p>‘We need your help,’ Nat starts, ‘do you still have those candles from the time the power went out for 2 hours and Clint freaked out and cleared out target?’ Simone nods slightly. ‘Good, and do you have Christmas lights?’</p>
<p>‘Uhh, yeah they are the white ones. The kids keep telling me to buy the ones that have all the colours, but that stuff is expensive.’ Nat nodded. </p>
<p>‘I need your Christmas lights and any other string lights that anyone in the building has okay? Also chairs.’ </p>
<p>‘Chairs?’ </p>
<p>‘Dining chairs, stools, office chairs…anything really. Leave it out on the landing for us.’ Nat starts to walk away when Simone shouts back. </p>
<p>‘What’s going on?’ Sharon, still standing at her door, frowns. </p>
<p>‘Clear your schedule,’ she starts. </p>
<p>‘We’re having a bit of a party,’ Nat finishes. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sharon mumbles down the phones while Nat helps Aimee and Tito hang lights around the roof. Kate and America wobble up the main stair case carrying a couple of chairs. ‘But, can you send Sam? We need some extra muscle.’ Sharon smiles brightly at them. ‘Steve, you need to work your magic okay? I know you’ve got…yeah and I need…I love you,’ she looks around to Clint who is sitting on the top of the fire escape smoking. ‘He’s fine. He’s stressed, but he’s fine…Also I let Grills use the kitchen in the bakery…Oh, I’m losing signal, I love you.’ Sharon cut off the phone and grimaced. </p>
<p>‘He mad?’ Nat grins from the top of ladders. </p>
<p>‘There was a lot of swearing,’ Sharon laughs. </p>
<p>‘So, these are all linked to the socket in the outbuilding,’ Tito points to where America and Kate were going back down to get some more chairs, ‘just one switch and you’ll light this place up. I have a sound system in my apartment if you guys want me to set that up?’ Nat looks up from her phone where she had been frantically texting all morning. </p>
<p>‘Yes!’ She jumped down off the ladders and pushed Tito towards the main staircase. ‘Sam’s going going to IKEA for us, text him if you think of anything,’ she leans down to pet Lucky who was laying next to Clint. </p>
<p>‘You’re lucky we were in town,’ Kate calls from the bottom of the steps as she and America shuffle up another pair of chairs. America pops her head around the corner and grins. </p>
<p>‘We had tickets to see an off-off-off-broadway production of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof the musical.’ </p>
<p>‘That sounds awful.’ Nat replies, America nods in agreement. </p>
<p>‘Tennessee Williams is turning in his grave,’ Kate says from inside the apartment block. She appears suddenly and wipes her brow dramatically. ‘But, still…it was going to be the highlight of our trip.’ Clint turns then and gives Kate a look only the two know. ‘But, of course our boys finally getting married is definitely a reason to miss the worst broadway adaptation since Carrie.’ </p>
<p>‘You’re such a nerd,’ America says in passing. </p>
<p>‘We’ve been engaged for two years. The average American couple is engaged for like five years,’ Clint groans. </p>
<p>‘That’s a lie,’ Sharon laughs. </p>
<p>‘Yeah, you pulled that out of your ass,’ America says before placing down another chair and sighing. ‘It’s not that you’ve been engaged for a long time it’s just that you got engaged and then…’ she trails off. </p>
<p>‘You never brought it up again. You told us you and Bucky got engaged on this trip and then…nothing.’ Kate’s eyes are kind, but her words hurt.</p>
<p>‘It’s my wedding day you’re meant to be nice to me!’ Clint throws his hands up into the air causing Lucky to jump at the sudden movement. Nat laughs, pushing the two girls back down the stairs and then turning to back to Clint. </p>
<p>‘Maybe, if you had planned the day like a normal person then we wouldn’t have this issue.’ Nat scans her phone quickly. ‘Next on the list is guests. Who do we need to get in touch with?’</p>
<p>‘Well, Bucky is dealing with his side of things. My family are all in Iowa so that isn’t happening. I guess, I don’t need to invite anyone else.’ Clint shrugs sadly.</p>
<p>‘Okay, then,’ Nat mumbles, ‘rings. Please tell me you have rings?’ Clint thinks for a second. </p>
<p>‘Nope, we have our engagement rings and Bucky was always going to get his dad’s ring so; we’ll be fine.’ Nat exhales slowly causing Sharon to snigger under her breath. ‘Anything else?’ </p>
<p>‘I think I can deal with everything else on my own. Now, Sharon is going to take you downstairs to get you ready; okay?’ Nat’s eyes are wide and condescending. ‘And to get you out of my way.’ Clint nod’s getting up off the fire escape. Nat is already on the phone before Clint can ask exactly what getting ready entails. He follows Sharon down to his apartment and she became a whirlwind once she crossed the threshold. Clint rolled his eyes as she moved quickly and without much noise. It was only now turning to noon and the sun was hanging high in the sky blistering the streets of New York in a sinister way. Clint cracked open the window that looked out onto the fire escape and caught sight of flurrying pages. He leans out to grab it. ‘Things in Jars’ was the current book the two were reading and it had gotten them both up late the night before on the rickety metal, escaping the heat of the apartment and reading quietly about mermaids and a the ghostly boxer. It became a tradition that Clint would read to Bucky. In the bathtub, in bed, while he cooked or out on the fire escape while they people watched. Clint would tell stories to Bucky during the quietest moments in the apartment and Bucky would listen so carefully as he drifted from reality to the world’s Clint was painting with words. Clint flicked the pages back and forth as the cool air from the sea floated in on sun beams. </p>
<p>‘Go have a shower!’ Sharon calls from up the stairs. All Clint can hear in the clanging of coat-hangers and Sharon’s steady, but incomprehensible, commentary. ‘Does Bucky own any nice suits?’ She shouts. </p>
<p>‘I told you, he already knows what he’s wearing,’ Clint calls back. Sharon tips her head over the railing, flushed cheeks and hair awry. </p>
<p>‘Yes, but from the looks of his closest he’ll be turning up in a leather jacket and accidentally ripped jeans.’</p>
<p>‘I promise you he isn’t wearing jeans. I can’t be sure about his jacket though he is weirdly attached to it.’ Clint throws the book down onto the coffee table as Sharon disappears again. </p>
<p>‘Shower!’ She calls after a moment. </p>
<p>‘Yeah, yeah.’ Clint laughs.  </p>
<p>When he finally emerged from the bathroom in a puff of steam and sweet lemon from his shampoo, Sharon was sitting on the sofa eating a pizza. Clint, in his favourite dressing gown, sat next to her and grabbed a slice. </p>
<p>‘Did you order from?’ Clint moaned.</p>
<p>‘Grimaldi’s? Of course! The guys were hungry to I ordered pizza for everyone’ They ate in mostly silence as Homeward Bound played on the television and Clint spoke along quietly making Sharon laugh. Once they finished the pizza Sharon threw a plastic packet at Clint as she grabbed one for herself. ‘Face-mask, put it on,’ she got up and pushed Clint’s hair back and clipped it off his face as he placed the gooey sheet onto his skin. Sharon pushed him down so he was lying flat on the sofa. ‘Close your eyes. Relax,’ she demanded in a very non-relaxing tone. </p>
<p>‘I can’t see the movie now.’ </p>
<p>‘You’ve seen this movie enough I’m pretty sure you can just listen this time.’ She was right, but that didn’t mean Clint wasn’t mad about it. </p>
<p>‘I’m sorry about all this,’ he says after a moment. </p>
<p>‘We planned a destination wedding in a few days for the two most pedantic and infuriating people ever to exist. Do you think a rooftop wedding in 5 hours is going to be that hard?’ Clint’s mouth bobs open and closed for a moment and then just stays closed. ‘That’s what I thought.’ He can hear Sharon breathe in and out slowly for a couple of seconds before settling. ‘Now, shut up and enjoy yourself.’ Clint wiggled for a moment trying to find a comfy spot for his too long body on the sofa. Then he closed his eyes and tried not to think about…well anything. Everything goes still and the background noise starts to fade. The blockade of friends and kooky neighbours trampling around the building softened to a lull. The thrilling tail (ha ha) of a childish bulldog, wise golden retriever and a despicable Himalayan cat’s adventure to find the true meaning of family and friendship is but a whisper. Sharon’s almost malignant typing teetering was out although still deadly.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Clint is wondering where exactly his boyfriend is when he hears the front door open and close below him. Sharon had been summoned by Nat twenty minutes ago leaving him to decipher exactly what he was going to wear to his impromptu wedding. A stead and heavy foot fall across the creaky floor boards and a hesitation at the edge of the staircase. Clint thought about slipping his clothes back on, but it was just Bucky, he’d seen him in his hole ridden purple briefs before. He had tried to throw them out enough times. A gush of fresh summer air floated through the open window and up the stairs the foot steps followed. </p>
<p>‘Are you always naked?’ Clint turned quickly towards the voice that was not Bucky. </p>
<p>‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ Clint said softly, his voice perfectly mirroring the look on his face. </p>
<p>‘I was expecting more of a welcome than that. I did fly 4 hours last-minute for you with two kids and our mother,’ Barney smirked back. Clint let out a little airy laugh as he took in the sight of his brother standing in front of him. </p>
<p>‘How did you know?’ Clint asks, wrapping his arms around him. </p>
<p>‘How do you think?’ Barney says as he stuffs a pair of sweatpants into Clint’s arms. ‘Come on, they’re outside.’ Clint nodded, slipping them on and following his older brother. Out in the hallways playing with Lucky were Clint’s two nieces screaming and laughing as Lucky chases them around. His mother, who was watching them with a soft smile, reminiscent of Clint’s, looked up at him as he came into the hallway. </p>
<p>‘Are you always half-naked?’ She mumbled as her smile grew a little wider. Clint throws his hands up into the air as Barney laughs. </p>
<p>‘And hello to you too, Mom,’ Clint winks. The two little girls, distracted from the fluffy one-eyed dog for a moment, run up and wrap their arms around Clint tightly. ‘You guys are so big!’ He leans down to take a good look at the two as they talk quickly at him. He glances up for a moment to register the other figure in the hallway looming at the top the stairs. Bucky was watching with a small and excited smile. ‘You?’ Clint signs. Bucky nods and signs back. ‘I told you I had something important to do.’ Clint feels his heart race a little at the thought. His mother is at his side smiling up at him with her kind eyes. He wished always that he had her eyes. </p>
<p>‘You know,’ his mother started, ‘I always knew you’d spring this on us last minute.’ </p>
<p>‘It’s true,’ Barney chimes in, ‘she’s had her outfit picked out and waiting since you guys got engaged.’ Bucky lets out a little laugh from the far corner. ‘I haven’t which was obviously a fatal flaw. What do best men wear?’ </p>
<p>‘Best man?’ Clint cocked his head. </p>
<p>‘Of course! You were mine. It’s only fair.’ </p>
<p>‘That was ten years ago. I’ve moved on.’ Barney grips onto his chest in false upset and girls just laugh. ‘The audacity! I already have…grooms? grooms-maids?’ Clint squints. </p>
<p>‘You can have both,’ Barney argues, nudging his brothers shoulder. ‘You should have both.’ Clint only rolls his eyes, but Barney knows he has won. Their mother shakes her head and smiles over at Bucky. He just shrugged back. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>‘LaGuardia?’ Sharon groans. Bucky nods softly letting a plastic garment bag fall onto the back of the sofa. ‘You do realise your husband is a saint, yes?’ Sharon gasps at Clint who laughs. </p>
<p>‘Why am I saint?’ Bucky asks.</p>
<p>‘Not my husband, yet,’ Clint stays at the same time. ‘The 2015 incident,’ Clint rolls his eyes. ‘Sharon was flying into LaGuardia and she…didn’t have the best time,’ he grins. </p>
<p>‘That’s an understatement.’ Sharon points accusingly. </p>
<p>‘What happened?’ Bucky is fiddling about with a bag he had brought back with him from is adventures this morning. Sharon scoffed leaning over the sofa to see what he was doing. </p>
<p>‘She doesn’t talk about it,’ Clint replied. Bucky looked up, his features scrunched into a confused frown. ‘Exactly.’ </p>
<p>‘It was a very traumatic experience and I don’t want to relive it. That airport is hell on earth. Literally, I don’t think they have air conditioning and only tourists fly into that death trap.’</p>
<p>‘Death trap?’ Bucky mouths as Clint, his eyes wide in amusement making Clint laugh. Sharon sighs loudly as she turns back. </p>
<p>‘I hope there isn’t a single bit of brown leather in there,’ she grunts patting down the garment bag. Bucky snatches it up and scrunches up his face at her like a kid. ‘You act like that, but you can be a little overly attached to that jacket.’ </p>
<p>‘It’s my dad’s,’ he says after a moment. ‘He wore it they day he and my mum got married and to every other family event because he was cheap,’ he laughed. ‘I thought it would be nice to wear it.’ Sharon smiled softly as Bucky lay it back down. ‘Lets hope it fits.’ </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>‘So who is wearing the dress?’ Clint’s niece asks while Sharon braids her hair. Barney and their mother were in the the apartment next door, which had been vacant since Kate and America moved out west, unpacking. Sharon let out an airy laugh. </p>
<p>‘Well, none of us.’ </p>
<p>‘Because you’re boys?’ The other chimes from beside Clint petting Lucky, who is basking in the attention from the two twins. </p>
<p>‘No, boys can wear dresses. We just don’t want to. Well, actually,’ Clint thinks for a moment, ‘Uncle Bucky is wearing a skirt.’ </p>
<p>‘A skirt!’ They both squeal with laughter. ‘Is it pretty?’</p>
<p>‘The most beautiful,’ Sharon whispers, making the two laugh even harder. </p>
<p>‘I think Uncle Clint should wear a pretty dress.’ Clint lets out a little chuckle. Bucky was somewhere upstairs helping Sam who had just arrived back from IKEA with an order big enough Clint was sure they might own Sweden now. Sam comes through the door then, sweating a little but with a huge grin on his face. Bucky slumps in behind him. </p>
<p>‘Have you guys ever been to IKEA before?’ Sam asks, causing Bucky to groan loudly. Clint nods softly and so does Sharon as she sits the two girls on her lap. ‘That place is? Oh my god,’ Sam sighs like a lovestruck princess in a knock off Disney movie. ‘That place? It’s…I don’t have the words.’ </p>
<p>‘Please, not again. I just got him to stop talking about the walk in displays.’</p>
<p>‘It’s like walking into interior design heaven!’ Sam starts, ‘I assume…I’ve never been there before.’ </p>
<p>‘Insert famous interior designers name here is turning in their grave,’ Clint chuckles.</p>
<p>‘You laugh, but have you seen their prices? It’s so cheap, but it looks so good.’ Sam opens the fridge and grabs a few bottles of water. </p>
<p>‘I cannot believe I’m witnessing Professor Sam Wilson freaking out about flat-pack land,’ Sharon grins. </p>
<p>‘Do you think they are hiring?’ Clint jokes, but Sam stop for a moment like he’s actually considering it. </p>
<p>‘No,’ Bucky starts. </p>
<p>‘I think he’d look good in the yellow and navy,’ Clint laughs. Sam nods slowly closing the fridge and piling the bottles into his arms. </p>
<p>‘Sam?’ Sharon squints, but all he does is nod, smiles ear to ear and then leaves. </p>
<p>‘What have you done?’ Bucky watches stunned. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>By the time everything is ready and everyone arrived the sky is dull enough for the lights to sparkly a little in the sunlight. The rooftop was covered in stringed bulbs and ivy. There was an array of seating mismatched, but somehow still perfect. Along the edges of the roof were candles unlit but ready for when the night crept in. At the end of the makeshift aisle in the middle of the occupied seats was an arch made from two ladders with ivy and lights tangled around the steps and a long plank of wood along the top. The whole place looked worlds away from the low hanging Brooklyn skyline like a rustic Celtic fairy tale. Nat stood proud underneath the arch talking quietly with Sharon. Clint is peering around the corner at it all as everyone settles and waits for him. His mum pulls him back. Clint smiles down at her and is caught off guard but the sadness in her eyes.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry, mom,’ Clint whispers. He doesn’t need to explain she knows instantly why he is apologising. ‘I don’t usually need to even think about it out loud because I just. I’m sorry.’ </p>
<p>‘You don’t need to apologise,’ she lets one of her small hands lean against his cheek. ‘We all grieve in our own ways. But, I don’t want him to haunt you. He should be a fleeting thought that only lingers as longs you need it to. He shouldn’t be a heavy cloud that follows you. I know why you don’t phone and I know why you avoid me. It’s as if every single month of the year he doesn’t exist and then summer creeps up on me and you lock us out.’ </p>
<p>‘It’s just easier to pretend he didn’t exist,’ Clint looks down at her and thinks about the years he’s let her deal with the anniversary without her and he feels overwhelming guilt. </p>
<p>‘I know. But, I’m here now and I know you probably didn’t want the reminder, but it might be easier to get through this with us this year. The other morning I didn’t even think about it. For the first time it wasn’t until halfway through the day that I realised the date and…for the first time in years it got a little bit easier.’ </p>
<p>‘I’m glad, mom.’ Clint smiles. </p>
<p>‘I like to think we are making a new memory. Not to cover it up, but to remind us that life got better.’</p>
<p>‘So much better.’ </p>
<p>The twins skip down the aisle spreading snow white petals all over the rooftop and the wind helped as a few stray twisted up into the air and fell up and over the roof top and into oblivion. They smile and laugh as the the petals fall down onto the floor and over the guests. They settle next to Barney and he leans down to kiss their cheeks. </p>
<p>Clint’s mom stops him before he can finally walk down the aisle and hands him a silver band. It’s a simple and thin wedding ring, no stones or engraving.</p>
<p>‘It’s my wedding ring,’ she smiles. ‘I haven’t worn it in years and I thought. I know you probably already have a ring for Bucky but-’</p>
<p>No,’ Clint cuts her off, ‘I don’t. He has his dad’s but I didn’t.’ Clint stares down at it as it reflects the sunlight. It was perfect. ‘Thank you,’ he smiles. His mom says nothing more, but places a soft kiss on his cheek and leads him along the petal covered path. </p>
<p>Bucky is waiting for him at the bottom of the impromptu aisle that sat in the middle of a concoction of chairs pulled from every apartment in the building. Sat in them are smiling faces and tear stained cheeks. Steve and Sam at Bucky’s side, as always, smiling up at Clint. Clint rolls his eyes a little at Sharon and Barney who are standing opposite the others and Nat who is in the middle with a tear resting on her cheek. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Bucky yet. Just taking the smallest steps and avoiding his eyes. Finally Clint get’s close enough that he has to look at him and everything comes crashing down. It felt like the end of the longest day of his life. He is wearing his dad’s kilt, sgian dubh and sporran. He looked good and Clint was, for a moment, side tracked by the sight. He finally reached him and his mother sat down before Nat finally spoke. </p>
<p>‘Clint Barton,’ Bucky says softly. ‘You keep my grounded and I mean that in the cheesiest way possible. I know I’ve always been tempted by the thought of disappearing into the blueness, but I know now this is exactly where I want to be.’ Bucky looks down at his dress shoes and frowns. ‘Forever isn’t long enough when I think about all of the things I want us to do and see and have. But, I hope that our forever is filled with midnight dance parties and cookouts on this very roof and reading aloud to each other in the bath.’ Clint takes a tentative step forward making Bucky look up and smile. ‘Two nights ago I woke up and you weren’t beside me and I knew exactly where you were.’ Clint eyes go wide. ‘I knew. I knew instantly that you’d be out on the fire escape smoking our secret stash of cigarettes and…’ Clint’s brow furrows as his eyes begin to water. ‘I knew without even having to check the date what day it was. You were sitting out there, having smoked your way through our last packet, and staring at his picture.’</p>
<p>‘I didn’t know,’ Clint whispered. </p>
<p>‘I watched you from the second last step. Just to make sure you didn’t need me, but you were fine. It was so strange to just instantly be so sure of a person. I promise to know when you need me and when you don’t. I promise to watch Homeward Bound with you everyday of the week no matter how sick of it I am. I promise to never take you to New Jersey ever again and I promise to take your hearing aids out when you fall asleep with them in,’ Clint lets out a wet laugh, ‘and I promise that I’ll never be tempted by the blueness, but if I am I’ll take you with me.’ Clint gulped in what felt like the last of the air on the rooftop. Bucky’s eyes were sparkling like brand new stars; Clint hopes they outlive him. </p>
<p>‘We made quite a mess didn’t we?’ Clint suggests after a moment of silence causing the on lookers to laugh. ‘I need everyone to know that Bucky and I’s first official date is a long disputed fact. Was it Sharon and Steve’s wedding when you kissed me and then caught a flight to god-knows where? Was it the 1am phone call the day before Steve’s birthday? Was it the picnic in prospect park?’ </p>
<p>‘It was the picnic,’ Bucky deadpans and everyone laughs.</p>
<p>‘I would give in, but I know for certain it wasn’t.’ Clint pauses looking down at his hands and then back up at Bucky. ‘Our first date was in a bathroom on the 10th floor of the Plaza Hotel. We sat on a window sill that looked out onto the city and drank ourselves silly on free Champagne. Thank you Tony Stark,’ he laughs almost too himself, ‘Bucky doesn’t like to admit it, because it doesn’t sound as good as a picnic in prospect park. The wedding of the century was happening just a hallway away and we were chatting each other up in a bathroom. I promise to have secret moments in the most inappropriate places with you forever. I promise to never make fun of your music taste ever again. I promise to break that last promise because I know it makes you laugh. I promise to love you until you stop loving me and then some.’</p>
<p>‘I wish you would.’ Bucky whispers. </p>
<p>‘And lastly, I promise to never ask you to wear your old uniform from when you worked in the smoothie place on 3rd.’ Bucky scrunches up his face as Sharon and Nat let out a little laugh. </p>
<p>‘What smoothie place?’ Bucky smiles. </p>
<p>‘The one you used to work at. Back before we even knew each other?’ Clint shakes his head a little.</p>
<p>‘I have never worked at a smoothie place,’ Bucky deadpans. Clint looks back at Sharon who shrugs and then at Nat who is as shocked as he is. </p>
<p>‘He isn’t Evan?’ Clint asks. Nat looks at Bucky, inspects him for a moment and then her eyes go wide. The moment was quick as the guests watched on. </p>
<p>‘He isn’t Evan,’ she whispers. </p>
<p>‘I’m Bucky!’ Bucky near shouts at the two, laughing in disbelief. Clint turns to look at the guests who are watching in bewilderment and then back to Bucky.</p>
<p>‘Well then, I promise to never mistake you for cute guys who make me smoothies ever again.’ Bucky shakes his head softly and Clint just shrugs. ‘It’s a very long story.’</p>
<p>‘I have forever,’ Bucky smiles. </p>
<p>‘Good,’ Clint whispers. Then, in the midst of a summers day in New York City, Bucky and Clint exchanged old family rings and made plans to make plans forever.</p>
<p>***<br/>Sam is behind a makeshift bar which looks like it’s always stood at the far corner of the rooftop. The guests were busy now, eating Steve’s impromptu cake and dancing to the very well composed playlist Sharon had been working on all day. In the golden glow of stringed lights and candles the guests float along the floor and fill the sky with laughter. Bucky asks for two glasses of champagne and hands one to Clint who is still trying to get over Bucky in a kilt. </p>
<p>‘You know, I’ve been thinking about this since Tony and Rhodey’s wedding,’ Clint says, tugging on Bucky’s waist and pulling him in. </p>
<p>‘About getting married?’ Bucky’s eyes went wide. </p>
<p>‘No, about you in a kilt…’ Clint’s eyebrows dance across his forehead. Bucky rolls his eyes downing the flute of champagne in one and then Clint’s. </p>
<p>‘That’s it Barnes I’m cutting you off!’ Sam interrupts. Bucky flips him off grabbing the newly opened bottle from the bar top. </p>
<p>‘You are so mean!’ Bucky slurs a little. ‘It’s my wedding day!’ Clint shakes his head grabbing the bottle and handing it back to Sam. </p>
<p>‘And I want you to remember it!’ Clint pulls Bucky over onto the dance floor to join Sharon and Nat who are nearly as drunk as Bucky. Steve is behind a table filled with food arguing with Grills about something unimportant, but it made Bucky laugh as he watched them. Nat shouted the two boys over and they abandoned their posts. Steve came up behind Sharon wrapping his arms around her and sighing letting his eyes close. </p>
<p>‘I think this is the first time we’ve had a babysitter and I haven’t worried,’ Steve whispers. Sharon smiled letting her head falling onto his softly. Sam hands glasses out to the group to raise a toast. </p>
<p>‘To Bucky and Clint,’ Sam says. ‘And to never having to go to another wedding ever again!’ They all cheer and sip down the champagne. ‘You guys planning a honeymoon or will that be a last minute thing as well?’ Clint looks across to Bucky who just shrugs.</p>
<p>‘You are infuriating,’ Nat groans. </p>
<p>‘If I remember correctly didn’t we all plant destination wedding in a week for you?’ Steve butts in. </p>
<p>‘Nobody asked you, Steve.’ Nat sang. ‘Anyway, I think this was very much a success so who cares?’ Bucky nods grabbing up his camera and turning it to the face them. </p>
<p>‘This might not work. But smile!’ He shouted as he pushed his finger down. The photo did work. It sits in a little off-gold frame on Bucky and Clint’s dresser. The six of them a little drunk and smiling dopey in the golden light of the sun setting and the twinkling lights. </p>
<p>‘Oh!’ He says putting the camera down and turning to Nat. ‘Who the hell is Evan?’ Nat laughs and falls right into the story of Bucky’s smoothie making doppelgänger. </p>
<p>Clint moved away from the group as they listened to the story he knew all too well. And with the cries and laughter spilling over the the edge of the rooftop and flooding the streets of Bed Stuy. Clint watched the sun set. Falling down once again into the water tower and between the skyscrapers gracing darkened streets with one last glimmer of light before falling to rest beneath the city. It didn’t feel dark, Clint thought. There was so much light even without the sun in the sky. He turned back to source of the flooded streets. Friends and strangers alike twirling in laughter and music. Tangling themselves into unimaginable shapes and twisting out again just to laugh about it. And Bucky Barnes; the brightest face in the crowd. </p>
<p>Something only New Yorkers know is how when the sun set’s and plunges the city into darkness it is not for long. As artificial light graces their skin and washes out the black blues and deep purples. Streetlights and billboards. Smartphones and headlights. Candles on windowsills and moonlight among starlight. Flickering bulbs of forgotten lamps. A flash of a camera. Fireflies by the Hudson. A miracle graces New York City in the night time. Clint, though, has his own light calling him home. The light of love. The moon to the ocean. Because Bucky Barnes makes New York City sparkle; even when it is at its darkest. The moon falls into place as quickly as the sun disappears. A masterpiece on a length of string in the sky. Calling him home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THE END. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, sorry for such a wait this chapter did not want to be written and in the end I wasn't 100% happy with it but I needed to get it out here before I gave up completely. Uhh thanks for coming along on this ride with me. I had a lotta fun, but it was v stressful so who knows if I'll be doing it again soon. Once again I did not have anyone to look over this for me so sorry for the spelling/grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoyed!</p>
<p>BIG shoutout to Rosie who was my rock throughout all of this and listened to me go on and on about it. There was meant to be a scene dedicated to them, but it didn't make it to the final cut. I appreciate them so much they are always so lovely and supportive! And VERY talented!</p>
<p>Uhm if you did enjoy this you could give me a follow on twitter (@616Winterhawk) I post way more regularly there and there's a link to my Ko-Fi in my bio if you wanna support a recently unemployed (thank you miss rona) graduate. </p>
<p>thank you again for being patient and lovely. ily.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had no one to beta this so it's likely a big mess. I don't understand tenses it's my biggest flaw. Who knows if I'll finish this!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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